Dear Prudence | Advice On Relationships, Sex, Work, Family, And Life

Danny Lavery welcomes Marie Manner, a research and development data scientist. Lavery and Manner take on two letters. First, from someone who is wondering if it’s okay she doesn’t have a big reason to cut her father from her life. Another letter writer is wondering if she should pursue a long-time crush. Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Big Mood, Little Mood. Sign up now at Slate.com/MoodPlus to help support our work Production by Phil Surkis Make an impact this Black History Month by helping Macy’s on their mission to fund UNCF scholarships for HBCU students. Go to macys.com/purpose to learn more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Bay Ryan, a postgraduate ecologist. Lavery and Ryan tackle two letters. First, from someone who is frustrated by loved ones who don’t take COVID precautions seriously. Another letter writer feels struggles to say any back after his partner says anything romantic. Plus, the latest on daylight saving time. Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Big Mood, Little Mood. Sign up now at Slate.com/MoodPlus to help support our work Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Hugh Ryan, the author of The Women's House of Detention: A Queer History of a Forgotten Prison, which New York Magazine called one of the best books of 2022. His first book, When Brooklyn Was Queer, won a 2020 New York City Book Award.  Lavery and Ryan tackle three letters. First, from someone who is seeking closure from a failed friendship. Another letter writer is trying to understand why their boyfriend is so angry at his family. Finally, someone writes in about their book club which has morphed into a morass of secrets. Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Big Mood, Little Mood. Sign up now at Slate.com/MoodPlus to help support our work Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Ashley Robertson, an expert question-asker who facilitates workshops on comprehensive, affirming, medically-accurate sexuality education.  Lavery and Robertson take on two letters. First, from someone who now has suspicions that her boyfriend has been violent in past relationships. Another letter writer is tired of being marginalized by his in-laws. Plus a listener comment about December 7th letter titled “Not Microdosing''. Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Big Mood, Little Mood. Sign up now at Slate.com/MoodPlus to help support our work Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Ash Sky Keen, a mathematics tutor helping neurodivergent students navigate math education.   Lavery and Keen tackle two letters. First, from someone who wants their parents to recalculate their will to adjust for monetary assistance their sibling already received. A second letter writer is waiting for a friend’s apology, and fearing it will never come. Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Big Mood, Little Mood. Sign up now at Slate.com/MoodPlus to help support our work Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Frankie Day, a writer based in Charlotte, North Carolina.  Lavery and Day take on three letters. First, from someone who is shocked that her family won’t support her adopting a child. Another letter writer is how long they should hold on to their ex’s belongings. Finally, a third letter writer is concerned that he chose a name that also belongs to a dog that is in his friend circle. Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Big Mood, Little Mood. Sign up now at Slate.com/MoodPlus to help support our work Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Daniel M. Lavery revisits a few of the many memorable letters from 2022, including one about someone who’s upset that his friends continue to associate with someone who is considered toxic (with guest Ty Mitchell). Another letter writer wants to have a third child, despite her husband’s concern about passing along a rare genetic condition (with guest Wendy Lee). And finally, a letter from someone whose close friends always start dating each other (with guest Olivia Chairmane) If you enjoy this show, please consider subscribing. You can subscribe directly to Big Mood, Little Mood for as little as $2.99/month and get an additional episode of the podcast every Friday, as well as ad-free listening. You’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Big Mood, Little Mood. Sign up now at https://slate.com/moodplus. Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Mollie West Duffy, co-author of the Wall Street Journal bestselling book about emotions at work: No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work, and Big Feelings: How To Be Okay When Things Are Not Okay. Lavery and Duffy take on two letters. First, from someone wondering how to support their extremely private friend and maintain boundaries. Another letter writer is monogamous, but has fallen for a polyamorous person.  If you enjoy this show, please consider subscribing. You can subscribe directly to Big Mood, Little Mood for as little as $2.99/month and get an additional episode of the podcast every Friday, as well as ad-free listening. You’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Big Mood, Little Mood. Sign up now at https://slate.com/moodplus. Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Ethan Casteel, a software engineer and transgender man about town in Somerville, MA. Lavery and Casteel tackle three letters. First, from someone wondering how to talk to her child about transness. Another letter writer is trying to negotiate solo time away from their partner. A third letter is from someone who feels guilty accepting rent from their boyfriend. If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Big Mood, Little Mood. Sign up now at Slate.com/MoodPlus to help support our work Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Carmen Rita Wong, author of the recently published book, Why Didn’t You Tell Me? A Memoir. Lavery and Wong take on two letters. First, from someone concerned that her brother has been spiraling since going off his meds. Another letter writer is wondering how to extricate herself from her marriage without devastating her spouse. Plus, a deep dive in to Wong’s memoir, Why Didn’t You Tell Me? Resources if you know a family member or friend experiencing delusions: https://www.bcss.org/support/how-do-i-get-help-for-my-loved-one/steps-working-delusions/ If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Big Mood, Little Mood. Sign up now at Slate.com/MoodPlus to help support our work Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoi

Danny Lavery welcomes Lisa McIntire, a writer living in San Francisco with her dog, Toby. Lavery and McIntire take on two letters. First, someone who wants to tell her mom that she did protect her enough from her creepy uncle. Another letter writer wants to advocate for their boyfriend’s non-binary child, but doesn’t want to overstep boundaries.  If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Big Mood, Little Mood. Sign up now at Slate.com/MoodPlus to help support our work Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Amanda McLoughlin, the CEO of Multitude, an independent podcast collective and production company. She is also the longtime co-host of the podcast, Spirits. Lavery and McLoughlin take on two letters. First, someone who feels guilty about how they got their boyfriend to start doing house chores. Another letter writer is wondering how to repair a family rift over them coming out as trans.  If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Big Mood, Little Mood. Sign up now at Slate.com/MoodPlus to help support our work Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Rakesh Satyal, the author of the novels Blue Boy and No One Can Pronounce My Name. He is currently an Executive Editor at the HarperOne Group/HarperCollins.  Lavery and Satyal tackle two letters. First, someone who is trying to create distance with their mother who is thinking about moving next door. Another letter writer is wondering how to cultivate a chosen family. If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Big Mood, Little Mood. Sign up now at Slate.com/MoodPlus to help support our work Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Kat Kinsman, the executive features editor at Food & Wine, author of Hi, Anxiety: Life With a Bad Case of Nerves, and founder of Chefs With Issues, an ever-evolving project that addresses the mental health crisis in the hospitality industry. Lavery and Kinsman take on two letters. First, someone who believes their partner is wasting their time, studying for a career they are not qualified for. Another letter writer is wondering how to talk to her brother about his sexual assault of her when they were children.  Support for people recovering from sexual abuse RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) - https://www.rainn.org/ Survivors of Incest Anonymous - https://siawso.org/ Hidden Water - https://hiddenwatercircle.org/ If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Big Mood, Little Mood. Sign up now at Slate.com/Moo

Danny Lavery welcomes Danielle Moodie, host of the podcast, Woke AF, where she explores the many facets of what it means to be "woke" in our modern life.  Lavery and Moodie take on three letters. First, from a career counselor who wants to keep their students from exploring particular jobs. Another letter writer was scapegoated by his colleagues, but wants his life back. Finally, a letter writer is looking for advice on how to come out as non-binary to their father. If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Big Mood, Little Mood. Sign up now at Slate.com/MoodPlus to help support our work Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Margo Donohue, author of Filmed in Brooklyn, and co-host of the podcasts, Book Vs. Movie, Dorking Out, and What a Creep. Lavery and Donohue tackle two letters. First, someone who can no longer support her sister through her years long, turbulent breakup from her ex. Another letter writer has a feeling that their boyfriend might be trans, and is wondering how to bring it up. Plus, Donohue takes us on a deep dive through her new book, Filmed In Brooklyn, which is the result of over two years of writing, researching, and photographing over 250 films that take place and/or shot in Brooklyn.  If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Big Mood, Little Mood. Sign up now at Slate.com/MoodPlus to help support our work Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about you

Danny Lavery welcomes Emi Nietfeld, a writer, software engineer, and author of ACCEPTANCE: A Memoir. Her essays have appeared in The New York Times, The Rumpus, Vice, and many more publications. Lavery and Nietfeld take on two letters. First, someone trying to cope with a failed gender-affirming surgical procedure. Another letter writer is wondering how to have a conversation with her elderly mom about her mental health. Plus, a chat about Nietfeld’s memoir, Acceptance.  If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Big Mood, Little Mood. Sign up now at Slate.com/MoodPlus to help support our work Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Ginna Green, a strategist-consultant-movement-builder now helping Jewish (and other) organizations change through her new firm, Uprise. She is also the co-host, along with Lynn Harris, of the Jewish advice podcast, A Bintel Brief. Lavery and Green tackle two letters. First, someone who is trying to save a friendship with a friend who tends to drive most people away. Another letter writer is trying to hold boundaries with her brother, but is worried that he has no one else to help him. Plus, how A Bintel Brief podcast came to be. If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Big Mood, Little Mood. Sign up now at Slate.com/MoodPlus to help support our work Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Alyssa Knox, a night shift ICU nurse.  Lavery and Knox take on two letters. First, someone who’s hurt that their best friend didn’t attend their wedding. Another letter writer can’t get a word in edgewise with their energy vampire roommate. If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the work we do here on Big Mood, Little Mood. Sign up now at Slate.com/MoodPlus to help support our work Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Katie Tastrom, a sex worker and writer whose work focuses on disability justice. Her forthcoming book about prison abolition and disability justice is coming out in late 2023.  Lavery and Tastrom take on two letters. First, someone who received a marriage proposal from her depressed boyfriend. Another letter writer is wondering how to make it up to their friend after accidentally calling them by their deadname, and how to get their own family to start honoring their own chosen name. Plus, a sneak peek at Tastrom’s forthcoming book on abolition and disability justice. More on transition “traps”: https://www.thechatner.com/p/let-me-save-you-some-time-a-field https://www.thechatner.com/p/let-me-save-you-some-time-on-transitioning https://www.thechatner.com/p/the-stages-of-im-really-trying-to If you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many shows—you’ll also be supporting the wor