Dear Prudence | Advice On Relationships, Sex, Work, Family, And Life

Danny Lavery welcomes Dr. Paula Stone Williams, an internationally known speaker on gender equity, LGBTQ advocacy, and religious tolerance. Lavery and Williams dig into two letters: First, from a letter writer who is wondering how to crank up the family support for a non-binary niece. Another letter writer is wondering how to know if their decision to undergo top surgery is the right one. Plus, a deep dive into Williams new book, As A Woman: What I Learned about Power, Sex, and the Patriarchy after I Transitioned. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Kat Chow, a reporter and author of the forthcoming memoir, Seeing Ghosts. Lavery and Chow tackle two letters: First, from a letter writer who is wondering how to trust a partner with a history of cheating. Another letter writer is wondering if her emotional affair with her best friend should be taken more seriously. Also, Chow takes a deep dive into Seeing Ghosts. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes author Rebecca Carroll, who recently published her critically acclaimed memoir, Surviving the White Gaze. Lavery and Carroll give advice to a letter writer who is wondering how to distance herself from her abusive mom. Also, Carroll goes in depth about the experiences that inspired her memoir, and a lighting round question about a conservative co-worker.  Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Julian K. Jarboe, author of the LAMBDA Award-winning short story collection, Everyone on the Moon is Essential Personnel.  Lavery and Jarboe give advice to a letter writer who is wondering if her friend group will recover after discovering a secret relationship among two members. Also in this episode, Jarboe reads an excerpt from their piece, Trauma As Morality. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes songwriter, novelist, and leader of the American band the Mountain Goats, John Darnielle.   Lavery and Darnielle give advice to a letter writer who is wondering if she should align with her partner's religion. Also in this episode, Darnielle discusses The Mountain Goats just-released collection of songs, Dark In Here. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Hallie Bateman, an illustwriter based in Los Angeles. She is the author of three books, including What To Do When I’m Gone, and Directions. Lavery and Bateman give advice to a letter writer questioning her own ethics about her decision to stop foster parenting. Also in this episode, the characteristics of mommy's girls, foursome etiquette, and a deep dive about Bateman’s new book, Directions. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now! Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes writer and actor Mara Wilson. Lavery and Wilson give advice to a letter writer who is wondering if she should disclose her depression to her boss and risk jeopardizing her job. Also, stories about mean grandmothers, and flailing hotel clerks.  Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday: sign up now Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Sophie Lewis, the author of essays about octopus sex, theoretical screeds about capitalism, and numerous texts about family abolition, including the 2019 book Full Surrogacy Now: Feminism Against Family.  Lavery and Lewis give advice to a letter writer who is wondering how to set boundaries with a family that is siding with her abusive father. They also discuss a “soft version” of family abolition, and take a deep dive into the novel, Detransition, Baby. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday, sign up now for just $1 for your first month. Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes Inkoo Kang, a TV critic for The Washington Post, and host of the podcast, All About Almodóvar.  Lavery and Kang give advice to a letter writer experiencing job burnout and wondering if she’ll feel hopeless forever. They also take a deep dive with their own experience with job burnout, which somehow leads to a discussion on who was actually wearing wigs on the TV show Mare of Easttown. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday, sign up now for just $1 for your first month. Email: mood@slate.com Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes actress Gates McFadden. McFadden is the host of the new podcast, Gates McFadden Investigates: Who Do You Think You Are?  Lavery and McFadden give advice to a letter writer who’s not thrilled about his wife’s botox injections. Also, McFadden talks about her transformative experience at the Jacques Lecoq school in Paris, and connecting with her former Star Trek co-stars on her new podcast. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday, sign up now for just $1 for your first month. Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Danny Lavery welcomes author of How to Write an Autobiographical Novel, Alexander Chee. Lavery and Chee give advice to a letter writer whose partner revealed his abusive, jealous personality only after moving in together. Also, Lavery and Chee talk about finding a good therapist, couples therapy via 90s films, and all sorts of monogamies. Slate Plus members get another episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday, sign up now for just $1 for your first month. Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this first episode of Big Mood, Little Mood, Danny Lavery starts to shed his almost 5 years of being “Dear Prudence”, and stretches out with his first guest, Aubrey Gordon. Gordon is a columnist for SELF Magazine and the author of What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat. She also co-hosts Maintenance Phase, a podcast that debunks and decodes weight loss and wellness trends. Lavery and Gordon give advice to a letter writer who is unsure where she stands with her husband after 18 years, and another letter writer whose partner’s picky eating may be a health risk. Also, Lavery and Gordon chop it up on diet culture, books tours, John Candy as Orson Wells, Warhammer, and so, so much more. Slate Plus members get an extra episode of Big Mood, Little Mood every Friday, Sign up now for just $1 for your first month. Need advice? Send Danny a question here. Email: mood@slate.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Listeners: This will be the last week of the Dear Prudence podcast, as Danny Lavery is ending his run as Prudence. But keep listening to this feed—Danny’s new show, Big Mood, Little Mood with Danny Lavery, will premiere next week! Prudence is joined this week by Kate Duffy, a licensed clinical social worker in New York.  Prudie and Duffy dig into letters about what to do when your husband bites your finger hard during an argument, should you intervene when you hear a neighbor yelling at a child, how to handle finding out that your friend group is always hanging out without you, how to know if a friendship with your one-time bestie is still salvageable.  Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode this podcast every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Maddy Court, a writer and zinemaker. Her first book, The Ex-Girlfriend of My Ex-Girlfriend is My Girlfriend, an almanac of relationship advice for queer women with art and comics by Kelsey Wroten, is forthcoming from Chronicle Books. Prudie and Court tackle letters about how to protect your daughter from sexual harassment in her first restaurant job, should you tell your mom to stop talking about how much she regrets her past, what actions to take when you find out that your ex-husband cheated with your now deceased mother, what to do when you and your husband don’t agree on how to handle an your increasingly aggressive dog.  Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Anna Sale, the creator and host of Death, Sex & Money, the podcast from WNYC Studios. Her new book, Let’s Talk About Hard Things, will be published on May 4th. Prudie and Sale dig into letters about whether you should join a lawsuit against an academic advisor who was both harmful and helpful, what to consider when your wife donates money to strangers on Instagram, how to handle a sister that needs to share every little detail about her life with you. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Harry Eskin, a moving-image archivist based in Los Angeles. Prudie and Eskin dig into letters about if you should apologize for past conversations where you claim a heritage that you truly don’t identify as, how to talk to your mother about the way she neglected your sibling when you were children, should you preemptively write an apology on Linkedin for a racist costume you wore for your employer 10 years ago. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Charlie Jane Anders, the author of Victories Greater Than Death, the first book in a new young-adult trilogy coming in April 2021, along with the forthcoming short story collection Even Greater Mistakes. She’s also the co-host of the podcast, Our Opinions Are Correct, along with Annalee Newitz. Prudie and Anders tackle letters about how to support your brother in his new relationship when you’re uncomfortable with their age gap, what actions to take when you’re living with family who neglect the needs of their toddler, what to consider when your teenager prefers the pronoun “it”. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Leigh Bardugo, the New York Times-bestselling author of Ninth House and the creator of the Grishaverse (coming soon to Netflix). Her short stories can be found in multiple anthologies, including Best American Science Fiction & Fantasy. Prudie and Bardugo dig into letters about how to support your non-binary child while avoiding their abusive father, how to handle your boss’s wife who’s always sharing hateful gossip with you, what to consider when you miss a relative that may not like you, what to consider when intellectual debates with your husband always turn into arguments. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Sarah Jaffe, the author of Work Won’t Love You Back: How Devotion to Our Jobs Keeps Us Exploited, Exhausted and Alone, and Necessary Trouble: Americans in Revolt, both from Bold Type Books. She’s also the co-host, with Michelle Chen, of Dissent magazine’s Belabored podcast. Prudie and Jaffe tackle letters about how to support your undocumented partner through their job search, what to consider when your partner stays in touch with her past abusive partners, what to do when your childhood fib about having hearing loss follows you into adulthood. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com  Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Claire Cox, a writer and high school teacher and author of the forthcoming novel Silver Beach.  Prudie and Cox dig into letters about what to do when your wife wants you to review all her work emails before she hits send, how to steer clear of your abusive mom so you can see your siblings, what to do when your boyfriend gets defensive when you make suggestions that could help him at work, how to handle a cool reaction from colleagues at your decision to leave teaching in public school for private school. Slate Plus members get an additional mini-episode of Dear Prudence every Friday. Sign up now to listen.  Email: prudence@slate.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices