Being Well With Dr. Rick Hanson

Ah the holidays, that blessed time of year when we come together with our highly functional family systems to engage in some good, old-fashioned fun.  If that sounded like a joke, this episode is for you.  Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how to survive the holidays with the dishes (mostly) intact. They talk about the pull of dysfunctional family systems, our tendency to return to the way things were “back then,” and balancing the desire to flip the Thanksgiving table with the desire to just make it through another year.  I thought this was one of the most interesting conversations we’ve had recently, and I hope you enjoy it. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:15: What makes the holidays tough? 5:45: The gap between who you are now and how your family system interacts with you 14:45: Parents yearning for the past, and craving gratitude 24:20: Finding agency amidst obligation 26:55: The weaponization of morality, and not needing to defend boundaries 32:45: Appreciating somethin

Dr. Stephen Porges, the creator of the polyvagal theory, joins the podcast to walk us through how its lessons can be applied to recovering from traumatic experiences. Forrest and Dr. Porges simplify the polyvagal theory, discuss the three key states our body can rest in, and explore how we can use polyvagal practices to heal old wounds and feel safer.  About our Guest: Dr. Stephen Porges is a Distinguished University Scientist at Indiana University, Professor of Psychiatry at the University of North Carolina, and Professor Emeritus at both the University of Illinois at Chicago and the University of Maryland. He’s published more than 300 peer-reviewed papers and is the author of a number of books, including his recently released Our Polyvagal World: How Safety and Trauma Change Us. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:10: A brief overview of Polyvagal Theory (PVT) 5:20: Ventral, sympathetic, and dorsal vagal states 12:05: Relating PVT to trauma, and processing cognitively vs.

We all know that change is inevitable in life, and getting good at changing is one of the most important skills we can develop. It’s also one of the most difficult to master. On today’s episode writer and coach Brad Stulberg joins Forrest to explore how we can reshape who we are, navigate and embrace change, and become more resilient.   About our Guest: Brad focuses his work on the philosophical and psychological foundations of excellence, and the habits and practices necessary to attain it. He’s a regular contributor at The New York Times and the author of a number of wonderful books including The Practice of Groundedness and his most recent book Master of Change: How to Excel When Everything Is Changing – Including You.  You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:15: How Brad has come to think about change 3:30: Rethinking homeostasis and allostasis 6:55: Suffering, resistance, and rugged flexibility 13:00: Creating a more flexible identity 20:30: Not going ‘all in all the time’

On today’s episode Dr. Rick and Forrest focus on one of the most important decisions we’ll make in life: the choice to become a parent. They focus on what good parenting looks like in practice, the key difference in thinking of a child as a “means” or an “end,” and how to know whether becoming a parent is the right path for you.  Neurodharma Course! Join Dr. Rick for Neurodharma, a live, online course focused on developing seven key qualities that help us steady the mind, warm the heart, and find a reliable sense of inner peace. Neurodharma launches October 14, use code BeingWell20 for 20% off the purchase price.  You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:20: The significance (and uniqueness) of this choice 4:50: Being aware of your motivations for having a child 16:55: The influence of primal biology 20:50: Qualities of a good parent 30:30: Mirroring, idealizing, twinship, and the process of differentiation 36:35: Optimal frustration, and a healthy parental work ethic 41:25: The

In today’s episode Forrest and Dr. Rick explore how we can improve our self-confidence, allowing us to become more psychologically flexible and create healthy boundaries with other people. They explain why becoming better at something doesn’t always make us more confident, the two paths of gaining confidence and releasing insecurity, and how we can release insecurity over time. They then talk about the differences between confidence and narcissism, dealing with other people when they try to put us down, and how we can develop an authentic sense of self-worth. Neurodharma Course! Join Dr. Rick for Neurodharma, a live, online course focused on developing seven key qualities that help us steady the mind, warm the heart, and find a reliable sense of inner peace. Neurodharma launches October 14, use code BeingWell20 for 20% off the purchase price.  You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:15: Separating confidence and capability 8:10: Releasing insecurity vs. gaining confidence 13:25

How we view ourselves, other people, and the world around us has a huge impact on the emotions we feel, the choices we make, and the quality of the lives we lead. These are our perspectives, and they’re the foundation our lives are built on…which is why changing them is so freakin’ hard.  In this episode, Forrest and Rick explore what perspectives are, what a healthy perspective looks like in practice, and how we can deliberately shift our perspectives over time. Specific topics include unpacking where perspectives come from, getting better at identifying when a perspective starts to affect our behavior, and thinking of ourselves as “rivers” rather than “rocks.” By the end of this episode, you’ll learn the key skills you need to change the views that have been holding you back.  Neurodharma Course! Join Dr. Rick for Neurodharma, a live, online course focused on developing seven key qualities that help us steady the mind, warm the heart, and find a reliable sense of inner peace. Neurodharma launches October 14

“The mistake most of us make is building our homes in other people. When we do that, we give them the power to make us homeless.” Poet, activist, and author Najwa Zebian joins Forrest for a conversation focused on discovering what truly matters to us. They use Najwa’s personal story as a way to explore how we can break out of the roles others place us in, create healthy boundaries, and feel worthy from the inside-out. Topics include balancing intimacy and autonomy, self-compassion and self-love, and finding the courage to act authentically. About Our Guest: Najwa Zebian is an activist, poet, educator, and the author of six books including her recent works Welcome Home, Conversations on Letting Go, and The Only Constant, which will be coming out March 2024. She was raised in Lebanon and moved to Canada at 16 where she later earned her Doctorate in Educational Leadership from the University of Western Ontario. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:05: Najwa’s personal backgroun

We’re often told to “be true to ourselves:” to line-up the person we are on the outside with the person we are on the inside. In a word, to be authentic. But what does it really mean to “be who we are,” “get in touch with ourselves,” or to go full new-age “live in alignment with our higher purpose?” In this episode Dr. Rick and Forrest explore what authenticity is, where it comes from, and whether it’s actually a good thing to be more authentic. They talk about what we really mean when we use the word “authenticity,” the fragmented nature of the self, and problems with unregulated self expression. They then turn towards how we can include all of ourselves, act from our values, and become at peace with who we are.  You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:35: How Rick thinks about authenticity 6:10: Congruence, presentation, and the difference between honest and good 13:45: A personal example of authenticity from Rick and Forrest 17:00: Self-disclosure as a factor of intimacy 19:

Rick and Forrest open up the mailbag and answer questions from listeners focused on getting the most we can out of therapy, processing old painful experiences, and sabotaging ourselves. They explore the self-fulfilling nature of fear, different forms of therapy and who they can benefit, and how to approach dealing with your mind in general.  You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:25: My relationship anxiety is sabotaging my relationship! 7:40: Getting more out of therapy 14:00: Should people with CPTSD do cognitive therapy? 19:45: What other kinds of modalities might be beneficial? 23:05: Rick’s “gardening theory of therapy” 29:10: When and how is it appropriate to talk with your adult children about your abusive childhood? 33:30: How can a therapist draw healthy boundaries with their friends? 39:15: How would you advise a person in their mid 20s just diagnosed with ADHD? 46:25: Forrest’s partner’s experience with ADHD medication 48:50: Reframing our understanding of a psychia

In our productivity-obsessed, always-on world it’s easy for busyness to become a badge of honor. But sometimes that effort-ing transforms from the reasonable pursuit of our goals into workaholism: a compulsive, even addictive drive to work. In today’s episode Forrest and Dr. Rick explore what workaholism is really, the psychological functions it serves, and how it relates to other addictive behaviors. You’ll learn both how to approach changing behaviors like workaholism in general and specific interventions that can help. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 2:20: Differentiating workaholism from working hard 9:40: Preempting criticism, and your internal audience 17:10: Competence, approval seeking, and motives 23:50: Addiction without social stigma 28:40: Population groups more prone to workaholism 33:50: The stages of change  37:45: Moving to the wider view, craving and regret 40:55: Embodying your future self, and social support 43:10: Identity, and creating a coherent narr

Forrest and Rick sit down with Dr. Susan David, the creator of the concept of Emotional Agility. Emotional agility is what allows us to navigate our complex emotions, make choices aligned with our values, and ultimately lead more authentic and fulfilling lives. They begin by discussing the four parts of emotional agility and distinguishing it from related concepts like emotional intelligence before exploring how we can “unhook” from our painful or problematic thoughts, feelings, and stories. They then explore how we can identify what really matters to us, act from those values, and find our footing in an ever-changing world.  About our Guest: Susan David, Ph.D. is an award-winning Harvard Medical School psychologist and the author of the #1 Bestseller Emotional Agility. She is a frequent contributor to the New York Times, Washington Post, and Wall Street Journal, and her TED Talk on the topic of emotional agility has been seen by more than 10 million people. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics:

The only constant in life is change. Moments come and go, people enter and leave our lives, and we ourselves grow, change, and eventually pass away. While this is an obvious fact of life, we usually let it blend into the background, and coming face-to-face with it can fill us with understandable feelings of anxiety, uncertainty, and even dread. In this episode Forrest and Dr. Rick explore impermanence anxiety: the fears we have related to change. They discuss “macro” and “micro” impermanence, terror management theory, the courage to care, fully embracing life, what tends to help people come to peace with impermanence, and how we can become more resilient in the face of change. Rick closes the episode by explaining how we can come more fully into the present moment, and see reality for what it truly is.  You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics:  0:00: Introduction 1:20: Macro-impermanence and micro-impermanence 9:25: Terror management theory, and grasping the finality of bigger changes 14:50: Fully e

Dr. Chris Palmer, assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, joins Forrest to discuss the relationship between metabolic function and mental illness. They discuss Dr. Palmer’s work with patients suffering from severe conditions like schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder, psychiatry’s current challenges with treatment-resistant conditions, and the important distinction between difficult psychological states and brain-based disorders. They then explore the relationship between mental illness and metabolic function, the key role mitochondria play in the process, and how current treatments impact our metabolism. Forrest and Dr. Palmer close the episode by discussing a number of practical interventions to improve metabolic function, including the ketogenic diet, sleep, exercise, stress management techniques like mindfulness practice, and even love, connection, and sense of purpose.  About our Guest: Dr. Chris Palmer is a board-certified psychiatrist and assistant professor of psychiatry at H

Emotional intelligence is considered an essential trait for everything from being a desirable romantic partner to having a successful career. But what do we really mean when we say “emotional intelligence,” and how can we become emotionally intelligent over time? In today’s episode Dr. Rick and Forrest discuss what’s “in” emotional intelligence, balancing emotional closeness and distance, and how we can become more self-aware, emotionally regulated, and empathic. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics:  0:00: Introduction 1:40: What’s emotional intelligence? 4:25: Curiosity, care, and rational vs. emotional decision making 9:30: The five domains of emotional intelligence 11:30: Courage 18:40: Competence, capacity, and application 23:40: Anger, and discerning wants and needs 25:25: Self-awareness 30:20: The stories we are drawn to 33:20: Empathy 44:40: Self-regulation 48:50: Widening the space  51:45: The feelings beneath the feelings 53:00: Feeling overwhelmed, boundaries, and differentiation 1:01:

Our thoughts, emotions, and experiences can reshape the very structure of our brains, allowing it to adapt and change over time. This is known as neuroplasticity, and while it’s present throughout our lives the younger we are the more powerful it is.  On today’s episode, Dr. Caroline Leaf joins Rick and Forrest to explore how we can harness the power of neuroplasticity to clean up our mental mess…and teach our children to do the same. They detail Dr. Leaf’s five-step Neurocycle process, walk through a practical example, and explain how we can use mind-management tools to reshape our relationship with difficult thoughts and feelings. Dr. Leaf then shares how we can introduce these tools to young people, the importance of nurturing a child's sense of agency, and the power of teaching through modeling.  About our Guest: Dr. Caroline Leaf is a clinical and cognitive neuroscientist who has been researching the mind-brain connection, the nature of mental health, and the formation of memory for over 40 years. She’s

Over the last 10 years interest in therapy has boomed, and with the greater demand for therapists more people than ever are considering pursuing a career in mental health. On today’s episode Forrest speaks to five therapists and therapists-in-training to learn the lessons they wish they’d known when they started.  You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Intro 2:15: Rick Hanson 5:05: Key traits of good therapists 17:50: Questions a prospective therapist might not think to ask 25:00: Self-employement, emotional regulation, and boundaries 27:45: Efficacy, complacency, and respecting the craft 31:45: Lori Gottlieb 35:20: Emotional intimacy and human connection 38:50: Modalities  40:50: Vulnerability, uncertainty, and making mistakes 48:10: Terry Real 52:45: Learning how to heal yourself first 55:35: What therapy is actually like 59:30: Messiness 1:03:15: Elizabeth Ferreira 1:06:35: Somatics, and being yourself 1:11:50: How to suffer with someone, then let it move through you 1:16:45: Awareness an

Dan Harris, author of 10% Happier, joins Dr. Rick and Forrest for a wide-ranging, open, and personal conversation. They explore dealing with anxiety and fear, sustaining a mindfulness practice, and accepting our nature while leaning into a new version of ourselves. Along the way they talk about the benefits and drawbacks of purely secular approaches to mindfulness, Dan’s recent time with the Dalai Lama, and why an “anti-sentimentalist” like Dan is writing a book about love. About our Guest: Dan Harris is the author of the best-selling memoir 10% Happier, about a fidgety, skeptical news anchor who finds meditation. He’s also the host of the Ten Percent Happier podcast and the cofounder of the Ten Percent Happier meditation app. For 21 years, he worked at ABC News, where he anchored such shows as Nightline and the weekend editions of Good Morning America. You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics:  ​​0:00: Introduction 1:05: Dan’s history with panic attacks, and using exposure therapy  6:15: Pros and co

Forrest and Dr. Rick open up the mailbag and answer questions from listeners. They explore how we can thoughtfully take the input of other people, identify and meet our needs, deal with anxiety and the fear of failure, and approach a conversation about drug use with teenagers. You’ll also learn strategies for reducing nighttime sleep anxiety, creating healthy boundaries, dealing with temperamental differences in a relationship, and finding peace and connection as a single person. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:35: How do process feedback from other people? What helps you accept what's useful...and leave the rest? 11:35: My extended family has gotten very distant. How do families tend to change over time?  23:40: I always feel like I'm about to be punished. What can I do? 33:15: How can we help teens navigate curiosity and peer pressure related to drugs, including psychedelics? 44:15: LIGHTNING ROUND! 45:15: Dealing with anxious

There is a lot of complicated advice out there (including on this podcast) for how to improve our well-being. In this episode, Forrest and Dr. Rick simplify the lessons they’ve learned from over 100 experts and 300 episodes. They explore the importance of individual context, focusing on what we can change even among difficult circumstances, the power of acceptance, influencing our attention, taking care of the body, social connection, and how we can identify, accept, and manage our unique needs.  Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.   Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction, and a disclaimer about generalizations 5:50: The belief that things can get better 14:20: How acceptance supports agency 24:55: Being thoughtful about what we consume, and where we place our attention 30:30: Bodily awareness and taking care of the body 36:50: Developing and appreciating strong social connections 41:50: Identifying our wants and needs 44:50: Identifying key values, setting goals, and lett

In today’s episode, Forrest and Dr. Rick focus on one of the most common, and most important, questions they get about attachment theory: can we heal our attachment wounds, and become more securely attached?  They explore the basics of attachment theory, whether people can change their attachment style, and how much change is truly possible. They then discuss some common frameworks for change, the power of positive experiences, and how we can break out of the “catch-22” of attachment wounds. The episode ends with practical advice for what an anxiously or avoidantly attached person could do to become more securely attached over time.  Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:55: An overview of how attachment develops 7:40: Four components involved in changing your attachment style 10:50: The difference between our tendencies and our behavior 12:40: The four stages of growth, and developing “conscious competency” 17:35: Recognizing the way