Authentically You-richard & Cheri Himmer

Today our special guest is TJ Hoisington. TJ is a best-selling author, professional speaker, entrepreneur, business consultant and publisher. His book, If You Think You Can!: Thirteen Laws That Govern the Performance of High Achievers is sold in 34 countries. He is the author of the Swiss Family Robinson sequel Return to Robinson Island. Today Cheri and I explore how hope starts with awareness and the importance of finding meaning in one’s life. TJ share’s an emotional story about his bride’s frustration with him.

How does a husband move from low trust to high trust in his relationship with his bride? Today we spontaneously recount a conversation that was a tipping point in our relationship, especially how Dr. Himmer worked through dealing with his in-laws.

When does a mother deliberately practice being a mom? Many moms would argue that they are practicing 24/7. What if being with your children isn’t practicing, it’s game time. Deliberate practice means we need to prioritize a few minutes to be mindful, balance our internal systems, and prepare for success.

What happens when your 3-year old can’t control his impulsivity and swats an overweight shopper in the cake isle on dad’s watch? He runs of course. What would mom do? Today, after 22 years, Cheri finally discloses the errors of my shopping ways.

Since we are hard wired to connect, the method of connecting becomes important. Too often our intent is admirable, but our approach doesn’t return the results we desire. Redirecting in a conversation before connecting harms relationships. In this segment we address 8 specific responses that are typical in conversations with friends and are redirecting before connecting.

Today we use a case study to understand the typical responses we get from parents, friends, coworkers, and supervisors when we are emotionally elevated. Cheri uses a 5-point Likert scale to explain how she feels when the typical response is actually harmful.

It’s starts with creating safe space. Last episode we covered the Rules of Engagement of what safe space looks like. Today we deepen the understanding with stories from Dr. Himmer’s corporate experience and Cheri’s challenges of raising 5 boys.

Today we address the first principle, which is Connect and Redirect. When building teams, creating a culture or developing strong children, it is critical to use connection before one moves to discipline, suggestions, or teaching. Employees and children don’t care a lick about your intelligence or experience when they are in pain and trying to find neutral footing. Keep your advise to yourself until they know you are present

What’s the difference between being a parent and the leader of a company? To any parent who is actively involved in their children’s lives, the answer is nothing. In this episode, we contrast the parallel worlds of parenting and leadership and explain how principle-based behavior, whether as a leader or a parent, is the same.

We conclude our case study of Land and Xenus using the techniques of the conversation Jedi. Learning to preplan neutrality in a conversation and de-escalate the emotions. Then the all important mirror or connecting to their emotional side followed with a neutral intonation of the voice. The final step is to be quiet. Stop talking and listen for the subject of your next question. You’ll hear it in their words. Always use what their saying to perpetuate the conversation.

The first one is when 1) You have to be right. Contention. Next is when you seek for 2) Affirmation, attention, and approval before mutual trust & respect is achieved. Third is holding a grudge and not learning how to forgive and forget, and finally 4) is The Drama Triangle. Today we cover #1, the drive to always be right. It’s at the core of contention in a relationship.

We are all the sum total of our experiences from conception on. It’s not our fault that our parents divorced or our parents bickered and fought all of the time. However, it is our responsibility to address our behavior based on those experiences. In order to change one’s behavior, one must change their experiences. One experiences lead to one’s belief’s about themself. Is you believe that conflict is dangerous and bad, you’ll run from it based on past experiences.

In this segment Cheri and I get into a fight to illustrate the ease of losing neutral space. We define conflict as having the same goal but with a different path. Contention is the opposite of conflict. Conflict is “WHAT” is right and contention is “WHO” is right. This is a good start for anyone who is conflict avoidant or knows someone who is. We introduce the case study of Lando and Xenus.

Today we dissect Fred and Nancy’s situation and model the magic of taking control over the space of the bully and creating boundaries that can be protected with civility. The five steps of the system are 1) Neutral, 2) Interrupt, 3) Mirror, 4) Intonation, and 5) silent. This powerful tool was developed in part by the FBI’s brightest negotiators in dealing with terrorists over the past 20 years.

What leads to workplace bullying? Incivility. Poor manners, low emotional intelligence, leaders in the C-Suite with low emotional intelligence and a focus on getting the job done at the expense of the human factor. Going Postal is the result of corporate bullying, it’s the REST OF THE STORY. We introduce the case study of Fred (bully) and Nancy (target) and also introduce a bully repellent communication system (Jedi Mind Magic).

In order to count as workplace bullying it must continue for at least 6 months. Bullying is considered the American Cancer. There are four potential causes for bullying: 1) deficiencies in workplace design, 2) Deficiencies in leadership behavior (EI), 3) Socially exposed position of the victim, and 4) Low moral standard of the culture. You will be introduced to the Incivility Continuum.

In this segment we talk about Workplace Bullying and how the US compares to other countries. The US is behind the scope in understanding and accepting that workplace bullying is alive and well in our corporations. Dr. Himmer shares some of his corporate world experiences and how they led him to research and write a dissertation on workplace bullying and emotional intelligence.

Authentically You is a new podcast featuring Dr. Richard & Cheri Himmer. They provide a refreshing look at life from the inside-out. Humans are hard-wired to connect with the desire to experience happiness, joy, and well-being. The Himmer’s stories and guests will address healing from the inside-out, which includes and understanding of how the four brains (left, ride, upstairs, and downstairs) work together and how they can integrate.

Authentically You is a new podcast featuring Dr. Richard & Cheri Himmer. They provide a refreshing look at life from the inside-out. Humans are hard-wired to connect with the desire to experience happiness, joy, and well-being. The Himmer’s stories and guests will address healing from the inside-out, which includes and understanding of how the four brains (left, ride, upstairs, and downstairs) work together and how they can integrate.

Authentically You is a new podcast featuring Dr. Richard & Cheri Himmer. They provide a refreshing look at life from the inside-out. Humans are hard-wired to connect with the desire to experience happiness, joy, and well-being. The Himmer’s stories and guests will address healing from the inside-out, which includes and understanding of how the four brains (left, ride, upstairs, and downstairs) work together and how they can integrate.