Intentional Living With Tanya Hale

What is the right path and how do we determine if we are on it?  Join me today as I share with you my recent personal revelations about what I've learned about my path and the paths of others.  I love growing up and learning these kinds of things about myself!

Have you ever noticed that sometimes your love will come with conditions?  And not just conditions on the front end, but conditions on the back end as well?  We often expect that when we show love to another person that they will behave in a certain way in return.  That, my friends, is controlling and manipulative.  Clean love is when we learn to love without any expectation at all.  And that, is an amazing place to get to!

So today we go into detail about how to coach yourself.  We will discover how to decide what the circumstance is, and what your thoughts are.  Then we'll discuss how to fill out the thought model to come to an awareness of how your thoughts impact and create your feelings, actions, and the results of your life.  This is the basic process for learning how to see yourself more clearly and understand how you can take more control of your life.

Peace is a feeling that many of us wish we had more of in our lives.  But often, in seeking to make our lives more peaceful on the outside, we sabotage our inner peace.  Learning how to be a peacemaker instead of just a peacekeeper is a skill that will really start to create the deep inner peace that we are really seeking.

Being willing to apologize is an important part of healthy relationships.  But when our reasons for apologizing are not so clean, it can sometimes do more damage than if we don't apologize.  Really looking at our reasons for apologizing is an important aspect of growing and progressing into the person we really want to be.

Did you have the dream that when your children became adults you would have this wonderful friendship going on? Me too. But sometimes reality means that we have children disengage and decide they no longer want to be a part of our lives. And that is really painful. Amidst that pain though, we can also find a space for peace.  And the pain and the peace can coexist in a way that has us growing up into a better version of ourselves.

Have you ever wondered how you ended up in the life you're in?  You used to have all of these dreams and desires and now you just feel a bit unfulfilled and not sure how to jumpstart your life?  You're not alone.  Far too many of us start settling just a bit at a time, and before we know it, we're living a life far below what we would actually love to be living.  But we can step back into listening to those small nudges that have us wanting more from life.  Let's talk about it.

A milestone like 200 episodes always seems to make me reflective.  I feel that since diving into life coaching the last three years, my growth game has been so huge, and these are some of the life coaching concepts that have had the greatest impact on my life, in helping me to adjust my thinking and feeling so that I can show up more the kind of person I want to be.  I hope this helps you to see the impact that this work can have in your life as well.

It can be really easy to get bogged down in our to-do lists, and some of us make list after list after list of things we want to do. I want to offer to you today the idea of creating a to-be list. Really identifying who you want to be underneath all of the hats we wear in our lives. Stepping into who we want to be will serve us at such a deeper level, and it even makes completing our to-do lists easier. There's a lot of power in the 'be'!

Last year I decided I was ready to get married.  Not because I thought it would make me happier, or a better or more worthy person, but because I really wanted to have the experience of creating and participating in a deep, emotionally intimate relationship.  To help me along the way, I used a concept called the 90 day relationship, and it was brilliant.  Today I share with you my story of how I stepped into dating with the intention of finding my person, and how I've now participated in my last 90 day dating relationship.  His name is Sione and he's perfect for me.

Conflict often gets such a bad rap. So, today I'm discussing how we can look at conflict completely different, as neutral, as people having different opinions and ideas, and how we can turn this neutral circumstance of conflict into greater connection, rather than into contention.  When used correctly, a good conflict can be the source of deeper emotional intimacy in our relationships.

We've all been there.  Someone blames and the other person gets defensive, and around and around we go.  We breed contention, when what we're really after in our relationships is connection.  So, how to break the cycle?  Today I'll teach you the tools you need to have stronger, better relationships where responsibility and curiosity reign!

'I'm sorry' is probably one of the most used phrases by women in our society.  We have been conditioned to use this phrase not just when we have done something hurtful or wrong, but very often even when we are taking up space as a human.  Today we're going to take a closer look at why it's important to stop apologizing for being a breathing human and how to acknowledge our space in the world with more gratitude and grace. 

Some of the emotions we experience in life do not feel good.  Not even a little bit.  But actually feeling and processing these emotions allows us to move through them and into a healthier space that does feel good. And when we realize how important all emotions are to our well-being, both the easy and the hard emotions, it can become easier to move into processing.  Let's chat about it!

Sometimes it seems so much easier not to say anything. So we take our 'issue' and we put it on the back burner and pretend it doesn't exist. But the thing is, things on the back burner eventually start to stink and wreak a lot of havoc in our lives. Having a no back-burner issue standard in your relationships is an amazing way to keep things clean and moving forward, and even moving deeper.

Learning to distinguish between the facts of our lives and the thoughts in our heads is one of the first and most valuable tools I use in life coaching.  When we start to understand the difference, we are able to become empowered by our own agency and begin to create the kind of life we really want to live.  This is a skill you won't want to miss!

Trying to control others is often an innate behavior for humans. We think that if we control how everyone else thinks, feels, and behaves, that life will be easier for us.  But it actually destroys relationships by keeping us from connecting with others and with ourselves, and limits our emotional maturity.

All of us have the tendency to build protective walls when we start to feel emotionally unsafe.  Understanding what is behind those walls and why we're feeling emotionally unsafe is the key to creating the close, connected, intimate relationships we innately desire.  This is work we can do with ourselves, and with the people we love the most in this world.

So much of our life is run by established patterns of behavior that we are completely unaware of. And when these patterns create dysfunctional behaviors, it can be very frustrating to pinpoint the cause of the struggle in our relationship. When we can learn to identify the patterns that are not serving us, and create and implement patterns that do serve us, everything can change. Whether your relationship is new or long-term, we can all use some better patterns of behavior.    

Awareness is the first key ingredient to growth. If we're not aware of our flaws and weaknesses, we won't take the necessary steps to grow beyond them. But when our primitive brain thinks we're going to be punished or ridiculed or shut down for having flaws, it will resist showing them to us. Today we're talking about how to create a safe space to become aware of our flaws and weaknesses, so that our growth game is strong.