Square Roots - The Classic Rpg Podcast

Phantasy Star IV - Part 1 We begin the epic space journey with Alys and Chaz in the town of learning, but something doesn't seem right. Why is the headmaster so evasive? What's up with those monsters in the basement? Is Jim the Hahn of the podcast? Why did we start with Phantasy Star IV? Does the game explain anything about any of its systems? Why is Vanessa so interested in Zio? How many fake languages is Matt going to have to learn? Does John want to make kissing with Professor Bearsley? We answer all these questions and more in this deep dive into one of Sega's finest RPGs. Level Up: 02:45 John Explains Phantasys Star I Through III: 09:45 Quest Log: 13:55 Jim's Rate-A-Babe: 01:07:29 Squarely Against: 01:10:25 This week: We venture deep into Birth Valley, and Rika emerges from its depths. Next week: We secure the Psycho Wand and head to Nurvus. Our theme song for this series is by Sharp Rain Music, check out their Youtube for tons of awesome video game covers: https://www.youtube.com/user/rainheart666787 Tw

Julian Titus from Nerds Without Pants joins Jim and John as they decide if the Miracle of Sound Commander Shepherd song deserves a Renegade or Paragon interrupt! This episode contains a careful review of the imagery used by Miracle of Sound, as well as a mailbag full of questions about Krogan genitals, Crossing Jordan, Asari babies, and Normandy crew slash fiction. Plus basic misunderstandings of microfilm! Level Up: 03:40 Commander Shepherd Review: 13:40 Mailbag: 38:10 Please find Miracle of Sound's Commander Shepherd song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiRDJLcYua0 Our theme song for this series is by Sophie Marlon, check out her violin covers of tons of game themes on YouTube at Sophie Marlon: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCET7Q5ZMfzqlgVf17AB-6DQ BANDCAMP: https://sophiemarlon.bandcamp.com/ INSTAGRAM: @sophiemarlonansems https://www.instagram.com/sophiemarlonansems/ TWITTER: @SophieMarlon https://twitter.com/SophieMarlon FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/sophiemarlonansems Twitter: @squarerootspo

Mass Effect - Part 6  Stay tuned through the end of the podcast for incredible dramatic readings of Matt’s notes! We finish off BioWare’s first venture into their epic science fantasy universe and decide whether or not we’re Squarely Against or Roundly For Shepherd and their adventures. Also? Vanessa and Matthew turn out to be twinsies; Matt is obsessed with a geth ship with a face; Vanessa’s Rate-A-Hunk goes macro; and SO MUCH MORE! Level Up: 02:56 The Codex: 16:23 Vanessa’s Rate-A-Hunk: 57:10 Squarely Against: 01:03:03 Dramatic Readings of Matt’s Notes: 01:14:36 This Week:We finish Mass Effect 1! Next Week: We start Phantasy Star IV and play through until leaving the BioPlant with Rika! Our theme song for this series is by Sophie Marlon, check out her violin covers of tons of game themes on YouTube at Sophie Marlon: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCET7Q5ZMfzqlgVf17AB-6DQ BANDCAMP: https://sophiemarlon.bandcamp.com/ INSTAGRAM: @sophiemarlonansems https://www.instagram.com/sophiemarlonansems/ TWITTER: @Sophi

Mass Effect 1 - Part 5 Next game is announced! WARNING: JOHN MAKES THE VERY WORST JOKE EVER IN THIS EPISODE. Okay, now that we’re past that, Shepherd and their crew head to Ilos to catch up with Saren! Also covered in this episode: meeting Lord Darius; Vanessa’s Rate-A-Hunk; steamy Mass Effect love scenes; punching Ambassador Udina; the sexiest exposition-spouting VI; the terrible Pinnacle Station DLC and SO MUCH MORE. This Week:We get in trouble for the nuking and then break some rules, punch some ambassadors, go to Ilos and drive our space truck through a portal. Next Week: We finish Mass Effect 1! Our theme song for this series is by Sophie Marlon, check out her violin covers of tons of game themes on YouTube at Sophie Marlon: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCET7Q5ZMfzqlgVf17AB-6DQ BANDCAMP: https://sophiemarlon.bandcamp.com/ INSTAGRAM: @sophiemarlonansems https://www.instagram.com/sophiemarlonansems/ TWITTER: @SophieMarlon https://twitter.com/SophieMarlon FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/sophiemarlonan

Mass Effect - Part 4 On this dangerously exciting episode of Square Roots and Mass Effect: We talk about the pros and cons of prefabricated space housing and office buildings; Matthew makes a reference to a commercial no one has seen; there is much bandying about of the term “Terminator Cthulus”; we make a difficult choice between crew members and one may get some smoking lazer holes; Matthew decides to grow up and get a 4, 0, 1 and K; Father Kyle learns the error of his ways and SO MUCH MORE.        This Week: We head to Virmire and leave it a bit nuked. Next Week: We get in trouble for the nuking and then break some rules, punch some ambassadors, go to Ilos and drive our space truck through a portal. Our theme song for this series is by Sophie Marlon, check out her violin covers of tons of game themes on YouTube at Sophie Marlon: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCET7Q5ZMfzqlgVf17AB-6DQ BANDCAMP: https://sophiemarlon.bandcamp.com/ INSTAGRAM: @sophiemarlonansems https://www.instagram.com/sophiemarlonansems/ T

Mass Effect - Part 3 Things go from aggressive fungi to getting real cool as we descend on the Galt's Gulch that is the corpoplanet Noveria. Matthew delights in Matriach Brazzeria but somehow Vanessa isn’t loving it; Ashley wants to put Earth first; aliens with New York cabbie accents; super space secretaries; further rating of hunks; Vanessa and Matthew tell teacher and SO MUCH MORE. You won't believe all the space adventures in store!  This Week: We plunge into the icy depths of Noveria!  Next Week: We head into Virmire. Someone on the Normandy's crew... won't make it back alive.  Our theme song for this series is by Sophie Marlon, check out her violin covers of tons of game themes on YouTube at Sophie Marlon: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCET7Q5ZMfzqlgVf17AB-6DQ BANDCAMP: https://sophiemarlon.bandcamp.com/ INSTAGRAM: @sophiemarlonansems https://www.instagram.com/sophiemarlonansems/ TWITTER: @SophieMarlon https://twitter.com/SophieMarlon FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/sophiemarlonansems Twitter: @squ

Mass Effect - Part 2 We finally blast off the Citadel and get to explore the Milky Way with our favorite crew of misfits, rebels and space racists. On this episode: Matthew tries desperately to figure out who Tonya Harding is, we debate the physical properties and applications of OmniGel, Freighter Crane’s tossed salad and spiked grenades, Liara’s psychic head rubbies, birthing Asaris, and so much more! This Week: We rescue Liara T'Soni and find the secret of Feros! Next Week: We plunge into the icy depths of Noveria!  Our theme song for this series is by Sophie Marlon, check out her violin covers of tons of game themes on YouTube at Sophie Marlon: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCET7Q5ZMfzqlgVf17AB-6DQ BANDCAMP: https://sophiemarlon.bandcamp.com/ INSTAGRAM: @sophiemarlonansems https://www.instagram.com/sophiemarlonansems/ TWITTER: @SophieMarlon https://twitter.com/SophieMarlon FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/sophiemarlonansems Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/4860228982

Mass Effect 1 - Part One Forgive sick Johnny’s heavy breathing this ep, his nose was heckka plugged. It's Janu-Warey! Poor, poor hick Jenkins. BimJanks, Eden, Evil and Kimothy Shepherd unite to fight the evil, evil Nihilus after he kills… wait. Wait. Saren is the bad guy? But Nihilus is the bad guy name! What’s the deal with the Epiphany Witch? Why is Jim’s neighbour on a campaign of misinformation? Is Kittizard or Ferians a better fantasy name for the Turians? Do the Turians even have genitals? Is Ashley a big ol’ Space Racist? Has Jim played Flandia? Do Asari look like whatever you find attractive? This Week: We find the beacon on Eden Prime and prove Saren's guilt on the Citadel. Next Week: We rescue Liara T'Soni and find the secret of Feros! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Nadia Oxford from USGamer and Axe of the Blood God joins us to dissect the strange relationships between this visual novel / text adventure and Chrono Trigger, as well as its role as a map for Chrono Cross. Things to enjoy this week: Jim getting angry at Radical Dreamers and Chrono Cross yet again, self-insert Chrono fan fiction, Radical Dreamers as a management parable, fashion montages, fushigi, and hyper gory text descriptions. This week: We play through the first ending of Radical Dreamers! Next week: We finish Eden Prime and the Citadel to take command of the SR Normandy in Mass Effect! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Bard's Tale 2004 - Part Four Things draw to a close and we try to end on a positive note on what we liked about this strange game. We track through the three endings, discuss the stated theme of the game, and give long, long sighs as we hit one of the most weirdest endgame of any RPG we've seen. This Week: We play Chapters 11 through 14 of The Bard's Tale. Next Week: We radically dream! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Bard's Tale 2004 - Part Three Hi! I'm Hal Sparks. Do you remember the 2000s? What a wild and crazy, yet somehow more innocent age. Snooki? Tatu? Eminem hair? We dive into a time of Urbz: Sims in the City and gay panic in this wall-to-wall-awesome episode of Square Roots. Questions asked in this episode: why does Jim hate Chris Pratt? Does Jeff Goldblum have an orgy ship? Will Vanessa stop singing about the Nuckelvee? Is Scottish a language or dialect? What exactly is a flesh family? Plus: The Vanessa and John Show, featuring their special guest, Matthew! This Week: We play through Chapters 7 through 10 of the 2004 Bard's Tale. Next Week: We play Chapters 11 through 14 of The Bard's Tale. Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) comdestroydestroyer 

The Bard's Tale 2004 - Part Two The tables are turned as Jim, John and Vanessa lighten up a little on The Bard's Tale while Matthew goes ballistic. John finds solace in an undead horse, Vanessa loves the Crone, Jim doesn't get the performance issues, and Matthew realizes the game may be tuned to encourage in-app purchases on iOS. Why would Matthew start singing the Bodyguard song? What's a Kunal Trow? What's the difference between a Fnarf and a Hrafn? Will The Bard even sexually harass a Valkyrie? What the heck is a Gesa anyhow? Why is the game pulling a Halo 1 library with constantly spawning enemies? Why are Jim's free cheats better than Matthew's paid buffs? The answers to these and more on a blockbuster, action-packed Square Roots! This Week: We play through Chapters 4 through 6 of the 2004 Bard's Tale. Next Week: We play Chapters 7 through 10 of The Bard's Tale. Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Bard's Tale - Part 1 Yes, that's not a typo. We're covering the, uh, classic? RPG The Bard's Tale, and by that we mean the 2004 release that first came out on PS2 and Xbox. You might have a few questions, like: why are we playing The Bard's Tale? Was it written by Adam Carolla? Will we ever see Spiderman: Too Many Spidermen? Why has Matt never seen Big Bird's legs? Is Infamous an RPG? Does the town slut shame a widow? What the heck is a Kunal Trow? Just how dark can Vanessa make this podcast? Find Vanessa's Best Acquaintances guest spot at: https://soundcloud.com/bestacquaintancespod Meanwhile, you can find Johnny's Kill By Kill guest spot at: https://player.fm/series/kill-by-kill/bonus-episode-thanksgiving-2007-w-john-brandon This Week: We play through Chapters 1 through 3 of the 2004 Bard's Tale. Next Week: We play Chapters 4 through 6 of The Bard's Tale. Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Parasite Eve Part 3 Planes explode! Boats sink! Daniels catch on fire! Parasite Eve's Disc 3 Crazy continues as we wrap up the bonkers story line with an insane finale. Really. Babies are shot. Mermen emerge. The statue of liberty is covered in goo. This brings up a ton of questions this week: is Parasite Eve some Ghostbusters II fan fiction? Or is Parasite Eve's Manhattan the world liberals want? Did the Jerry the janitor try to foil Klamp's sperm storage? Why is the final boss a garbage pail kid? How many times will John say "Baby Sack" this episode? Is their jumpiness at fire a sign of PTSD? Listen for these and some hints to Jim's dark Kansas past in an exciting new episode of Square Roots! This Week: We finish Day 5 and 6, ending our Parasite Eve run! Next Week: We play through Chapters 1 through 3 of the 2004 Bard's Tale. Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com Our opening song is courtesy of Kaosware: ►YOUTUBE:

Parasite Eve Part 2 We're back and still crushing more mitochondria! It's a dog-shooting, sperm finding episode of Square Roots as we get over halfway through Square's bizarre survival horror visual novel JRPG masterpiece. Questions asked today: do you know the Meatball Man? Is Carl Winslow actually in the game? Was Lorraine's death preventable? Does Matthew really think sentient poop is a good superpower? Is Ms. Nusebaum the secret best character in the game? Has any Squaresoft game ever had that much sperm in it? Where does Eve carry that sperm anyhow? What's Stephanie's Choice? AND SO MANY MORE. This episode: We finish Day 3 and 4 of Parasite Eve! Next episode: We finish Day 5 and 6 and wrap up Parasite Eve! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com Our opening song is courtesy of Kaosware: ►YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/KaoswareMetal ►FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/kaosware/ ►TWITTER: https://twitter.com/kaosw

We've got a buildup of groovy letters from our awesome listeners! And heck, we've also got a bunch of questions from our Facebook group! So today we're gonna answer: Is Final Fantasy IX overrated? What game do you love but don't want to play? What's the Square Roots special sauce for picking games? Are you going to retire from gaming? And so many more! So join us for talkin' back to youse folks!

Parasite Eve - Part 1 Parasite Eve: survival horror JRPG? Or is it a visual novel? This is the first of many, many questions we have during the first chunk of this bizarre game. Others include: What the heck are the rules surrounding Eve's power? Should we be calling her Melissa? Has Vanessa won Best Character Name of All Time? Why won't Jim plug his podcast at his church? Did Daniel really shoot a kid? What's up with Klamp anyhow? Is polygony illegal in the United States? Are we right in not thinking good things are gonna happen with Ben and the dog? What the heck is a mitochondria anyhow? This episode: We finish Day 1 and 2 of Parasite Eve! Next episode: We finish Day 3 and 4 of Parasite Eve! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com Our opening song is courtesy of Kaosware: ►YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/KaoswareMetal ►FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/kaosware/ ►TWITTER: https://twitter.com/kaosware ►INSTAGRAM: h

Chrono Trigger - Part 5 Finally! Vanessa has [REDACTED] the [REDACTED]! CONGRATULATIONS!  But! Also! We finish Chrono Trigger and pretty much all get the same ending, except for Matt, but Matt got removed from the timestream and can't maintain his presence in this timeline. This is an all-singing-all-dancing episode featuring Memories of Chrono, Mama Don't Take My Chrono Chrome Away, and also some very, very very very very bad rapping. Oh! And we announce the next game! Questions addressed: Does Queen Zeal recognize Magus as her son? Why can't Vanessa tell a Dark Carnival and Psycho Circus apart? Are conveyor belt fights better or worse than elevator fights? Should we be pouring one out for Toma? Is a JK Execution in bad taste? Do robots really need to be gendered? Who does John hate Geno? This episode: We play when we are taken aboard the Blackbird until the end of the game! Next episode: We play Day 1 and 2 of exciting mystery game! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022

Chrono Trigger Part 4 Chuck Charles hosts the premiere show for dating fictional video game characters - Create-A-Combo! Who will our contestant Vanessa choose? Her new romance chosen, we start asking a whole bunch of questions about this chunk of Chrono Trigger, including: building a machine that harnesses the power of Lavos couldn't be a terrible idea, could it? Does Giga Gaia have a giant dong? How did the Dark Ages people get their magic anyhow? What's it like living in the body of a giant tomato? Why do animator perverts put dongs in everything? Find out these answers and so many more in the latest episode of Square Roots! This week: We hit the climactic turning point of Lavos Beckons! Next week: We finish the gaaaaame!  Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com Our opening song is courtesy of Hyperduck Soundworks! Hit up their homepage at: hyperduck.co.uk Check them out on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/hyper

Hello, fellow lovers of the macabre and / or mouse-based action combat! Are you ready to be spooked? Are you in the mood for hyper-gory VGA-era RPG adventure games? ARE YOU? You better be, because Mikel Reparaz from Vidjagame Apocalypse joins us and he darn well finished this first person dungeon crawler for our benefit. So you'll play this creaky game from Horrorsoft and YOU'LL LIKE IT. On this special bonus episode we explore the strange worlds of this episodic RPG and ask: why are old PC RPGs so much less accessible than their console equivalents? What's up with the crazy amount of gore? Are the policemen just made that we touched them? Check out Vidjagame Apocalypse at: http://www.lasertimepodcast.com/category/videogame-apocalypse/ Help support LaserTime over at: https://www.patreon.com/lasertime You can also listen to Mikel over on Talking Critic by contributing to: https://www.patreon.com/talkingsimpsons Opening and closing music is direct from Waxworks!