Dear Prudence | Advice On Relationships, Sex, Work, Family, And Life

Prudence is joined this week by author and activist, Ebony Adams. Adams is the co-host of the podcast, Feminist Frequency Radio, along with Anita Sarkeesian and Carolyn Petit. She is also the co-author of the recently published History vs Women: The Defiant Lives That They Don’t Want You To Know.  Together they dig into letters about how to handle a missed anniversary by your perpetually tardy boyfriend, what to consider about allowing your teenage daughter’s boyfriend to move in, how to handle a stepdad who raised you, but now doesn’t want to know you, how to handle parents who you know will be disappointed with your “coming out” conversation, what to do about your boyfriend’s newfound group of young and attractive admirers. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Ebony tackle letters about what to do you when your husband’s sleep schedule doesn’t allow for “sexy time”, and how to handle a professor who keeps triggering you by suggesting exercise. Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prud

Facing an empty guest chair, Prudence grabs Phil Surkis, the producer of the Dear Prudence podcast, and takes him on a journey through Prudie’s past, revisiting a few of the memorable letters of 2018. Prudie and guests Anna Luberoff, Jess Reynolds, Justine D’Souza, Baby Ange, Paola Dayanan, Myq Kaplan, and Kim Brinckerhodff, take on letters about whether you should tell your boss you attended a holiday party when you’ve been off on medical leave, what to do when your husband leaves you to do all the housework for his step-kids, how to handle a boss who searches through your desk and emails, what to do when you find yourself falling in love with the co-parent of the child you’re raising, should you confront your friend who grabs handfuls of expensive bulk snacks in the grocery store without paying, what to consider if you want to kidnap a dog to get it fixed, and what to do when you’ve accidentally been added to a cruel group text about you. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Dominique Matt discuss a let

Prudence is joined this week by Julia Furlan, a Brooklyn-based journalist and podcast maker who is trying to learn how to hold a grudge. Together they take on letters about what to do when racist thoughts influence your choice of sperm donor, should you leave your stable job to take the family on a year long sailing trip, how to approach the “do you want kids” question on first dates, what actions to take when your coworker talks to you in sexy (yet creepy) voice, how to handle your husband rejecting your decision to transition. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Julia tackle letters about what to do when you accidentally hit your girlfriend after she “surprise” scares you, and how to handle a friend’s uncle who gave you a lap dance. Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodcast@gmail.comProduction by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by writer Soraya McDonald, the culture critic for The Undefeated on ESPN. Previously, she wrote about pop culture for the Washington Post, focusing on issues surrounding race, gender, and sexuality. Together, they dig into letters about what to do with your unused fertility drugs that are taking up precious fridge space, how to handle an unstable mother-in-law who’s adamant about not inviting a beloved family member to your wedding, should you abide your husband’s request for a dominatrix in the wake of your waning sex life, how to handle an annoying coworker who tries to ingratiate herself into my coffee breaks by begging me to buy her coffee.  Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Soraya discuss a letter writer who is wondering what actions he can take to not upset his mother with his new boundary of not coming home for the holidays. Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodcast@gmail.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices.

Prudence is joined this week by San Francisco writer Laura Turner, who also happens to be Prudie’s older sister. Together, they tackle letters about what actions to take when you’re friends with a married couple who abuse each other, what to do when your boss schedules the holiday party on your religious day of rest, should you have another baby even though the fate of your marriage is uncertain, how to handle a father who posts his erotic artwork in social media along with the family photos, how to break it to your husband that you’ve been hiding that you’re no longer a vegetarian, what to do when you’re exhausted from supporting your friend through her addictions. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Laura discuss a letter writer who is wondering if she can not invite a racist aunt to her wedding and not offend the rest of her family. Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodcast@gmail.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Chris Randle, a New York based writer who came here from Canada. He's written for places like Hazlitt, The New York Times Magazine, Pitchfork, and Real Life. Together, they dig into letters about how to handle a brother who is weirded out because he’s dating your ex, how to decide if you should you help someone in your friends circle who’s not actually your friend, what to do about a boyfriend who is always testing you and questioning your commitment, how to handle your husband’s teenage cousin who has a crush on you, what actions to take with a husband who monetarily supports his mother and sister instead of contributing to your household, how to handle your grad school social anxiety and still get some work done. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Chris discuss a letter writer who is wondering how to stop paying a friend’s way whenever they socialize. Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodcast@gmail.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more a

Prudence is joined this week by Sophie Bee, a writer, speaker, nightlife promoter, and activist. She has written about film, music, queerness, and sex work. She is an organizer with Support Ho(s)e, a Chicago and New York City based collective advocating for sex worker rights. Together, they tackle letters about what to do when your ex-wife tells your daughter that you are to blame for their divorce, how to handle being sober around your drinking buddies, what to do when your sister says she’ll harm herself if you continue to contact your mother, how to handle your teenage students lack of fact checking, what to do when your mother continues contact with your abusive ex-husband. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Sophie discuss a letter writer who is wondering what actions to take with a boss who’s implemented a “no pooping” policy, and another letter about what to do when your knowledge of who’s cheating could destroy close friendships. Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepo

Prudence is joined this week by Carta Monir, an Ignatz award-winning cartoonist living in Ann Arbor, Michigan, and Grace Lavery, an Assistant Professor of English at UC Berkeley. Together, this power trio tears into letters about what to do when your father disapproves of your decision to keep your maiden name, how to handle your daughter’s sleepovers with a male identified transgender friend, should you get back together with your boyfriend when he prioritizes his mother and sister over you, how to reenter the dating world after decades out of the game, what to consider when your whole life is ahead of you, but you feel paralyzed from making the life you want. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie, Carta and Grace discuss a letter writer who is wondering how to handle a cousin who wants to be the family peacemaker, and another letter from a mom who can’t decide if she should tell her children that their friend is in a psychiatric hospital.  Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodc

Prudence is joined this week by Jenée Desmond-Harris, an op-ed editor at the New York Times. One of the resolutions she's been working on all year is to become someone who inspires people say "you don't suffer fools". Together they tackle letters about what actions you can take when your abusive ex-spouse to-be threatens your safety, should you tell your brother who never sides with you the reasons why you’re cutting off contact, what to do when you and your boyfriend want to go out, but never seem to leave the couch, how to tell your family you want to break from the church values they still adhere to, how to maintain professionalism while dealing with misogynistic customers, what to do when your husband’s hobby of collecting rare animals has made your home life intolerable. Also, a voicemail from a listener who is wondering how to handle a frequent drunk calling cousin who always wants to process their painful childhood. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Jenée discuss a letter writer who is wondering

 Prudence is joined this week by Anna Sale, the host of the podcast, Death, Sex & Money, a show about the things we think about a lot and need to talk about more. Together they dig into letters about how to spend the holidays with a sister who is alarmingly neglectful to her own daughter, what to do when you suspect your bilingual colleagues are talking about you in your presence, what actions to take when you know you can’t take anymore of your abusive spouse, how to handle a sister who’s comfort around sex talk makes you ill at ease, what to do when your co-worker’s loud chewing sounds drives you up the wall, what to consider when you’re trying to be selective about who you babysit.   Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Anna discuss a letter writer who is wondering what his obligation is to an absentee father now in need of help. Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodcast@gmail.comProduction by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Hillary Eason and her brother, Tyler Eason. Hillary works in international development in Washington DC. Tyler is a data engineer in the Bay Area. They claim to have another sibling who is arguably better at giving advice, but she was not available. Together they tackle letters about how to handle accepting your top secret dream job that you’re not allowed to mention to anyone, should you tell your  grieving parents that your sister who died in a car accident was pregnant at the time, what to do when you’ve only had crushes and would now wish to enter the world of dating, what to consider when your daughter wants you to financially support her through her unplanned pregnancy, how to handle a woman demanding to know if she is the daughter of your deceased husband, what actions you can take to mend an old broken friendship in light of your kids now being in preschool together. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie, Hillary and Tyler discuss a letter writer who is triggered by his w

Prudence is joined this week by Tyler Mead, an associate producer of the queer comedy podcast, "Inside the Closet" hosted by comedians Emma Willmann and Matteo Lane. Together they dig into letters about what to do when the #metoo news has you not wanting to be touched by your boyfriend, what to do when your innocent texts lead to overblown fights, what to consider when surreptitiously seeking a sperm donor, how to handle your declining social status due to your husband’s job, what actions to take when your boss uncomfortably comments on your social media pics. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Tyler discuss a letter writer who is wondering how to handle a niece who ungraciously refused to be gifted a car, and then demanded a cosigner for a car loan instead. Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodcast@gmail.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Folu Akinkuotu, an internet person who lives in Boston. She’s an obsessive home baker who is always happy to share her baked goods from the endless supply in her purse. She has a better haircut than you and has never once logged off. Together they tackle letters about how to tell your husband you want to return to sex work to help make ends meet, what to do after rediscovering your childhood step sister on social media, how to handle your husband’s gleeful response to the news of his mother’s death, what to do when your husband’s comments about your appearance leave you feeling shame, what to do when you find yourself attracted to your friend’s social media pics.. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Folu discuss a letter writer who is wondering what actions to take after discovering her husband impregnated her friend.Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodcast@gmail.comProduction by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.f

Prudence is joined this week by Washington DC based writer, Zoë Selengut. Zoë works as a cataloger of rare and unusual books, ephemera, and other surprising cultural materials for Brian Cassidy Bookseller. Together they dig into letters about what to do when you discover the nonprofit you work for is definitely providing it’s employees a living wage, how to handle the realization your older brother touched you inappropriately when he was a teen, how to tell your parents you’re polyamorous without them disowning you, what actions to take when similarly named neighbor lies and tells everyone that you’re sisters. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Zoë discuss a letter writer who’s wondering how to preserve her friendship with a bestie who resents her successful dating life, and a mother who is wondering if she should disinvite her son from the family vacation because he lets his baby daughter cry alone at night.  Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodcast@gmail.com Production

Prudence is joined this week by San Francisco based game critic, Carolyn Petit. Carolyn is the managing editor at Feminist Frequency, and a co-host on their podcast, Feminist Frequency Radio, alongside Anita Sarkeesian and Ebony Adams. Together they tackle letters about how to handle a boyfriend is who pressuring you to move in, what to do when you notice your daughter exploring her gender identity, what actions to take when an old acquaintance suddenly fills your phone with distressing texts, how to decide if you should offer support to your teenage daughter’s first ex-boyfriend, and what to when your husband chronically under appreciates you. Prudie and Carolyn also respond to a voicemail from a listener who is wondering if she should honor her father’s will that was written out of anger. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Carolyn discuss a letters writer who is wondering how to handle her anger towards her mom who gave her toddler oral herpes, and another letter from an atheist who is wondering if she

Prudence is joined this week by writer, actor and comedian Zahra Noorbakhsh. Zahra is co-host of the podcast #GoodMuslimBadMuslim, and The Pop Culture Collaborative has named her their Senior Fellow on Comedy for Social Change.  Together they dig into letters about what to do when your husband’s picky eating habits leave him uninvited to family events, what actions to take when your husband is planning suicide after the kids move out, how to handle a husband who says he wants a baby, but freaks out when the topic comes up, what to consider when your friend is enabling her boyfriend to have sex with much younger people, and finally, how to handle your insurance company after your decision to to get top surgery. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Zahra discuss a letter writer who is wondering how to handle a daughter who is shaming her for dating 18 months after her husband’s death.. Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodcast@gmail.comProduction by Phil Surkis Learn more about

Prudence is joined this week by Assistant Professor of English at UC Berkeley, Grace Lavery. Her first book, “Quaint, Exquisite: Victorian Aesthetics And The Idea Of Japan,” is forthcoming with Princeton University Press in 2019, and she is currently working on a book on the idea of technique. Together they take on letters about what to do when the new skirt you love elicits unwanted reactions from strangers and friends, how to handle the urge to make your mundane tasks at work more titillating, what to do when your pill popping husband  is no longer welcome at family events, how to handle a workplace crush when you also cherish and love your long term relationship, and finally, how to handle parents who show up empty handed to your toddler’s birthday. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Grace discuss a letter writer who’s wondering what actions she can take when her husband falsely signed documents for his colleague so that his colleague’s child can attend school in a different district. Not yet a member

Prudence is joined this week by Portland based author and technology expert Brook Shelley. Brook works for Turbine Labs and chairs the board for Basic Rights Oregon. Together they tackle letters about what to do when your stressed out sister’s only language is complaining, how to handle your own guilt for not being “lesbian enough”, what actions to take when your racist uncle yells at his biracial stepdaughter, how to tell your boyfriend that you faked every orgasm in their relationship. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Brook discuss a letter writer who is wondering what actions she can take from being triggered every time she hears yelling in her rowdy college town, and what to do when your sister takes advantage of your family’s kindness. Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodcast@gmail.comProduction by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by comedian Kate Willett, who has appeared on Comedy Central and Viceland. She has an album called Glass Gutter, and has a new special out on The Comedy Lineup on Netflix. Together they tackle letters about how to get out of a friend’s wedding when you have issues with their religion, what to do when your pregnant daughter’s homecoming threatens your retirement, should an Airbnb host’s racist neighbor be part of your review, how to handle telling your girlfriend about your past infidelities, what to you when your family pushes back your decision to support your late husband’s stepdaughter.Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Kate discuss a letter writer who is wondering what actions she should take so her family will stop treating her like a child, especially in public. Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodcast@gmail.comProduction by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Jane McGonigal, the inventor of SuperBetter, a mobile game that has helped over a million people recover faster from depression and traumatic brain injury. Together they take on letters about what to do when you feel your spouse overshares about her work, how to handle feelings of guilt when your libido doesn’t match your partners, and what actions you should take when you find out your adult daughter and your neighbor have been having an affair. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Jane discuss a letter writer who is wondering how to handle a coworker who regularly berates colleagues they deem “inferior”, and what to do about a mother who has been taking the “silent treatment” too far for too long. Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodcast@gmail.comProduction by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices