Dear Prudence | Advice On Relationships, Sex, Work, Family, And Life

Prudence is joined this week by Laneia Jones, the executive editor of Autostraddle dot com, an independently-run online community for queer women and nonbinary people. Together they tackle letters about what to do with a mother-in-law who demands that you disinvite her gay daughter to your wedding, how to handle racist neighbors who might take issue with your house-sitting guests, should you tell your husband that you can’t take anymore unplanned house guests, how to explain to dates that your cousin is raising your child with your ex-girlfriend, what actions to take when you accidentally lose your paycheck, how to decide if you should accept a dream job, even though it may not pay enough. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Jones discuss a letter writer who’s wondering if she should end a friendship with a couple who revealed interest in exploring a polyamorous relationship.  Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodcast@gmail.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about you

Prudence is joined this week by Sarah Schneider, a registered nurse living in the Bay Area. Her go-fish game is on point. Together they tackle letters about what to do when your estranged mother sends an unexpected and inappropriate gift, how to handle a mom who keeps raining on your wedding parade, how to deal with a mom who goes out of her way to misgender you, what actions to take when your ex husband uses the kids to throw a wrench into your dating life, how to handle your conflicted feelings about a boyfriend who cheated on you and then took his own life, what to do when your friend’s home is in a state of squalor. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Schneider discuss a letter writer who’s wondering if she should tell her fiance that his best man confessed his love for her, and another letter writer who can no longer tolerate her sister-in-law’s constant commentary about her spending habits. Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodcast@gmail.com Production by Phil Surkis

Prudence is joined this week by Harron Walker, a staff writer at Out magazine, whose work has appeared on Jezebel, BuzzFeed, Vulture, Vice, and Them. Together they tackle letters about how to create a safe space for your child who is showing signs of being transgender, should you worry that your girlfriend has been in therapy for 9 years, what to do when you find out your twin sister has been trash talking about you to anyone who will listen, what actions to take when your boyfriend accidentally sends you his amateur porno of him with another woman, what to do when your “split all costs” plan with your girlfriend isn’t really happening. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Walker discuss a letter writer who is wondering if she should let her LGBTQ+ clients know that she’s queer, even though she’s married to a straight cis man. Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodcast@gmail.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Aymann Ismail, an award-winning podcast host, video editor, photographer, and writer at Slate whose work focuses on identity and religion. He currently hosts Man Up, an interview podcast about men and relationships, family, race, and sex. Together they dig into letters about how to handle a boyfriend who’s frustrated because you travel for work half the year, what to do when a coworker mentions he’s a survivalist with a stockpile of guns at home, what actions to take when your child’s playdate is at the home of a racist, should you expose your bosses affair to make your own work life easier, what to do with displayed photos of your wife of 40 years now that you are widowed and dating, what to consider when your partner’s illness keeps you from physically connecting. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Ismail discuss a letter writer who is wondering how to handle a dad who refuses to accommodate your mom’s needs while she’s fighting cancer. Not yet a member? Sign up at Slat

Prudence is joined this week by essayist Jackie Hedeman, whose nonfiction has appeared in The Best American Travel Writing 2017, Entropy, Autostraddle, and elsewhere. Together they tackle letters about a what to do when you have a former patient who keeps demanding you take them back, how to handle a housemate who has habit of oversharing when he drinks, how to decide to cut off your toxic parents from seeing their grandchildren, what to do when you want your polyamorous relationship to revert back to a monogamous one, how to protect your daughter when your sister is marrying a registered sex offender, what to consider when your addict lover is requesting that you refrain from substances when you don’t have a problem. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Hedeman discuss a letter writer who can’t stand visiting her brother’s home because his kids urinate everywhere and make a mess. Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodcast@gmail.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about

This week finds Dear Prudence live on stage at The Museum of Pop Culture in Seattle, Washington. Recorded on March 20th, 2019, Prudie was joined onstage by author and assistant professor of English at UC Berkeley, Grace Lavery. Together they dig into letters about what to do when you desire a life that’s more than caring for your mother in law, how to handle a friend whose belief that you broke her car is threatening your social standing, what to do when your sister thinks she’s a genius and hates you because you don’t believe her, how to deal with family misgendering your best friend at your wedding, how to decide whether you should take in a friend with a debilitating disease, what to do when your parents decide to swap genders. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Grace discuss a letter writer who found the love of her life, but he’s more focused on finishing his Ph.D, as well as questions from the audience! Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodcast@gmail.com Production b

This week finds Dear Prudence live on stage at The Bell House in Brooklyn. Recorded on March 13th, 2019, Prudie was joined onstage by Jezebel writer, Jasmine Sanders. Together they dig into letters about what to do when the kids you nanny are beyond out of control, how to handle a friend who dumps on you, but never listens to your problems, what to do with a fiancé who’s forgetfulness of basic things makes you worry about your safety, what actions to take when you suspect you’ve been violated under anesthesia during a medical procedure, what to do when cutting ties from an abusive uncle also leaves you estranged from other family that you miss, how to decide if your surreptitious workplace recordings should be used for good, evil, or left unheard. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Jasmine discuss a letter whose recovery from an eating disorder is hampered by a mother who constantly admonishes her appearance.  Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodcast@gmail.com Production b

This week finds Dear Prudence live on stage at The Hamilton in Washington DC. Recorded on March 12th, 2019, Prudie was joined onstage by the host of NPR’s Pop Culture Happy Hour, Linda Holmes. Together they tackle letters about how to decide if you should cut ties with a sister who violated your trust, how to handle jealousy when your wife easily get gigs that you’ve struggled your whole life to get, what actions to take with a creepy and inappropriate father-in-law, how to help your daughter’s transitioning friend who was shut out by his own family, what to do when your husband’s antidepressants take away his sex drive, what to do when your friend’s methods for planning your vacation rubs you wrong way, what to consider when you have a family member who refused to vaccinate her child. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Linda discuss a letter writer who is dreading being part of a wedding where her fellow bridesmaids will make fun of her for being single. Also, questions from the live audience! Not yet

This week finds Dear Prudence live on stage at the Brava Theater Center in San Francisco. Recorded on March 7th, 2019, Prudie was joined onstage by New York Times bestselling author Jasmine Guillory. Jasmine’s books include The Wedding Date, The Proposal, and the forthcoming The Wedding Party.  Together they dig into letters about how to handle your bestie’s new friends that leave you feeling alienated, should you date your neighbor, even though it might be confusing for your children, what to do when your long time friend is a cheater and it’s awkward to face his girlfriend, what actions to take when your expensive grad school degree hasn’t yielded any job prospects, what to do when two crucial members of your wedding party are going through an ugly divorce, how to handle a husband who wants to maintain a relationship with his white supremacist  brother, should you take a chance and see your estranged parents who are now reaching out after years of conflict? Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Jasmine di

This week finds Dear Prudence live on stage at The Soiled Dove Underground in Denver Colorado. Recorded on March 6th, 2019, Prudie was joined by writer Nicole Cliffe, who currently runs Slate’s Care and Feeding advice column, and was Daniel Ortberg’s former partner at The Toast. Together they dig into letters about what to do when you feel disconnected from your life that actually looks pretty good, how to handle a boyfriend who doesn’t want to commit to being called a “boyfriend”, what to do when your partner’s ex uses their dog as an excuse to stay connected, what actions to take when your husband can’t move past your infidelity from years ago, how to introduce your trans boyfriend to your not so accepting parents, how to deal with a husband who has turned to porn since you giving birth, how to handle your partner’s mom who keeps her distance because you’re “living in sin”.  Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Nicole discuss a letter writer who is wondering how to decide if she has a future dating a va

Prudence is joined this week by writer Helen Rosner. She is the food correspondent for The New Yorker, and a former editor at places like Eater, Saveur, and New York Magazine. Together they tackle letters about what to do when a lonely neighbor treats you  as if you were her grandchild, what to do when a member of your fine dining club can no longer afford to pay, but insists on coming anyway, how to share your secret financial struggles with your husband, what actions to take when your mother-in-law fat shames you after your pregnancy. Prudie and Helen also respond to a voicemail from a woman who discovered a man on her disability focused message board who may be posing to get attention from women. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Helen discuss a letter writer who has conflicting feelings about her high school bully who recently committed suicide, and another letter from a woman who wants to reconnect with her ex through social media, but is being thwarted by her ex’s partner. Not yet a member? Sign

Prudence is joined this week by Sarah Shourd, a multi-media journalist based in Oakland, California. Her work combines fiction with rigorous journalism to elevate marginalized voices. She’s now working collaboratively on a graphic novel as a JSK Fellow at Stanford. Together they tackle letters about what to do when you find yourself with diminishing social invitations because of your sickliness, how to handle your husband who wants to reconnect with his friend who was convicted of possession of child pornography, how to put the brakes on a new overbearing friendship without offending them, what to consider when the love of your life offers you good (not great) sex, how to handle a soon to be sister-in-law who demands that you remove pictures of your brother’s deceased first wife from your home. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Sarah discuss a letter writer who is wondering how to stop her distant family members from using her beach house without causing a family rift.  Not yet a member? Sign up at Sla

Prudence is joined this week by writer and artist, John Leavitt, whose work has appeared in The New Yorker, Motherboard, Racked, And Marvel Comics. Together they tackle letters about what to do when your husband requests consent for any and all physical contact, what to consider when you don’t feel the same sense of romance that your wife wants, what to do when your dad surprises you by taking you to an escort, should you tell your ex directly that you’re dating a mutual friend or let them find out on their own. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and John discuss a letter writer who is wondering if it’s worth staying with her boyfriend, who’s embroiled with ex-wife and step daughter issues. Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodcast@gmail.com Production by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudence is joined this week by Janet Cheatham Bell, who left her position as a textbook editor in 1984 to become a consultant to authors, the book publishing industry, and to produce her own books. She recently moved to the San Francisco Bay Area to be near her three amazing granddaughters. Together they tackle letters about what to do when you inadvertently become your lover’s therapist, how to handle an ex-boyfriend who keeps telling everyone you’re still together, how to handle colleagues who don’t understand that you enjoy being single without children, should you leave a job you love after a failed work affair left you with unrequited feelings for a colleague, can you salvage a friendship after sleeping with your bestie. Also, Prudie and Janet respond to a voicemail from a woman who is wondering if it’s appropriate to invite her seriously ill mentor to her wedding. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Janet discuss a letter writer who has a roommate who refuses to take better care of her dog. Not ye

Prudence is joined this week by Justine D'Souza, a social media community management professional who also works for a youth helpline. Outside of work, she enjoys performing in operas, plays, and musicals. Together they tackle letters about what to do when your deceased friend’s mom finds you in social media and sends messages about her grief, how should you handle finding out your husband doesn’t share your dream of dog ownership, what to consider about secretly giving away your boyfriend’s dog, what to do when your wife changes her mind about a “hall pass” agreement, should you keep supporting an inefficient coworker because they desperately need a job Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Justine discuss a letter writer who is triggered by her boss’s partner’s illness, and losing the ability to focus at work, and another letter writer who is overwhelmed by her husband’s close-knit family and their need for frequent gatherings. Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodcast@gmai

Prudence is joined this week by Favianna Rodriguez, an interdisciplinary artist, cultural organizer, and political activist based in Oakland, California. Her art addresses migration, economic inequality, gender justice, and ecology. She is also the Executive Director of CultureStrike, a national arts organization that engages artists, writers and performers in migrant rights. Together they tackle letters about what to do when your dad can’t get your transgender cousin’s pronouns right, how to handle gift giving in-laws who are cluttering your home with homemade knick-knacks, what actions to take if you feel your friends are taking advantage of your emotional and financial stability, how to tell the person that took you off the streets and fed you that you don’t like their cooking, what to do when your parents will no longer pay your college tuition because changed your major. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Favianna discuss a letter writer who is devastated that her younger sister didn’t include her i

Prudence is joined this week by Martha Rynberg, an Oakland based writer and performer. She is the principal director of the Solo Performance Workshop, and is getting an online masters degree in how to keep cats from scratching on leather furniture. Together they tackle letters about what to do when your coworkers never show up for your important life events, how to decide whether to tell a friend that a painting in her home is racially offensive, how to tell your sister that her cooking tips are not welcome on top when you’re already preparing meals for her kids as a favor, how to deal with a racist cousin who you only see during the holidays, how to decide if there’s enough trust to continue an otherwise supportive relationship, what actions to take when you realize your ready to let go of a casual friendship. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Martha discuss a letter writer who is wondering how he discourage his younger brother from quitting his lucrative job, even though you did the same thing to star

Prudence is joined this week by a close personal, if not a bit judgmental, friend, Maddie Chavez. Maddie’s judgements are known to be true of heart and strong of will.    Together they tackle letters about how to handle a boyfriend who thinks you’re perfect and blames himself for everything, how to come clean from the tall tales you once told as a teen, how to tell your husband after many years that you never liked your wedding ring, what actions to take when your partner isn’t hearing your concerns about the prospect of having children, how to protect your newly trans brother from the wrath of your unaccepting parents, what actions to take when you’ve decided it’s time to seek help for your mental health, but your parents have more of a “suck it up” attitude. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Maddie discuss a letter writer who is worried that his girlfriend doesn’t have friends outside of their relationship. Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodcast@gmail.com Production

Prudence is joined this week by writer and film critic Willow Maclay. Maclay runs the website Curtsies and Hand Grenades, and is co-author of the upcoming book Corpses, Fools and Monsters: An Examination of Transgender Cinema.  Together they tackle letters about how to get along with the normal but sometimes annoying family that took you in, what to do when you can no longer afford the travel expenses in your long distance relationship, how to handle an cheating ex-fiance you still have feelings for, how to handle your family’s demands for holiday time when they don’t align with your partner’s family, what actions to take when your wife of 25 years suddenly blames you for the life she didn’t have. Also, Prudie reads a letter from a white woman who is wondering if it’s wrong that she feels more connected to black children than children of other races. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Willow discuss a letter writer who wants to be single, but is afraid of loneliness, and another letter writer who is wond

Prudence is joined this week by journalist and comedian Francesca Fiorentini. Fiorentini is a correspondent with Explorer on the National Geographic Channel and a regular guest on The Young Turks. She’s also the host and creator of The Bitchuation Room podcast. Together they take on letters about how to handle a neighbor who keeps trying to kiss you and is also your wife’s good friend, should you tell your friend that her porn and weed addicted fiancé might not be the one, what to do when you girlfriend’s needy family is keeping your relationship from advancing, what to do when the treehouse once used by your grandchildren is now causing tension with your neighbors. Slate Plus members will hear Prudie and Francesca discuss a letter writer who is wondering if her tendency to cry easily will jeopardize her ability to secure a new job. Not yet a member? Sign up at Slate.com/PrudiePod. Email: prudencepodcast@gmail.comProduction by Phil Surkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices