Dear Prudence | Advice On Relationships, Sex, Work, Family, And Life

Feeling hopeless about the state of the world? Prudence has some advice for how to carry on without totally losing it. Then, writer Shafiqah Hudson joins Prudie to answer your questions: How do I convince my friend that he benefits from white privilege? My friend abandoned me after her boyfriend assaulted me – now she’s trying to pretend nothing happened. And, lastly, I did a huge D.I.Y. project for my sister, only to have her rip it up and start again. Can I ask her to apologize? Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

First off, some cold hard truth from Prudence: it never works to have a chore wheel. Then, onto your questions. Should I confront an acquaintance if I think he may be cutting himself? Then, my boyfriend’s business partner is a horrible house guest and stays with us all the time. How can I cope with this? My sister thinks my family’s homophobic, but we just don’t like her racist girlfriend. And, how can I be a good friend to someone who hates being single? Vice Canada columnist Sarah Hagi joins Prudence this week. Hear back episodes of Prudence at Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A friendly reminder from Prudence: advice is not one-size-fits-all! Writer and podcaster Christina Grace joins Prudie to help a woman break it to her in-laws that her family won’t be going to church; a military mom decide who should care for her daughter; and a gay man find his identity after sleeping with a woman (spoiler alert: bisexuality is a thing). Then, a wife finds out her husband has been sneaking around to help his sister leave her abusive husband. Is it fair to feel betrayed after months of secret heroism? (Note: The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers help and support to those who need it. Find it at www.thehotline.org or 1-800-799-7233.) Lastly, the case is closed on the cot. Thanks for playing! Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudie says it’s okay to ghost your social media followers, but not a child who thinks you’re her family. Then, MTV writer Jane Coaston joins in to advise on what to do if your mom uses surviving cancer as an excuse to spoil your kids. How to tell a family friend her husband is being a creep. And, how to tune out a loud co-worker. And finally, Prudence outlines more of the “Lost at Sea” dating handbook.  Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudie puts in a plug for queries about good fortune only. Then, she and writer Caille Millner tackle more serious problems: I’m convinced my husband had an affair with his boss, but he denies it. My mom is terrible with money. How can I get her to save for retirement so I don’t have to bail her out? My slacker brother-in-law has his parents duped into supporting him financially. I want to stage an intervention, but his mom won’t have it. Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Prudie and guest Juan-Pablo Brammer explore the fine line of low-key racism. Then, your questions: How can I keep my sister from terrorizing my new boyfriend? Can I tell my husband’s parents not to hook up in my kid’s bed? How do I tell my husband I’m bisexual? Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I lent a family heirloom to a friend and she’s going to burn it in honor of her deceased child – can I ask for it back? “Nope!” says Prudence. Then your questions: Can I delay my breakup for financial gain? My partner won’t stop waking me up for trivial reasons! I found out my best friend had an affair with my now-dead husband — should I confront her about it? Author Saladin Ahmed joins Mallory to advise on these dilemmas. Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Rocky returns! The aspiring poker player writes back to make the case for quitting his day job (and if this makes no sense, check out the 11/29 “Anger Management” show). We’re rooting for you, man. Then, Mallory and comedian Avery Edison tackle your questions: A friend made a cruel comment at a party, I made a scene, and no one will let it go — how do I shut this down? I love my boyfriend, but he’s asexual and I’m not. Is our relationship doomed? Finally: my boyfriend struggles with body image, and I don’t know how to handle it. Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mallory and guest Andrea Silenzi of Slate podcast “Why Oh Why” take on big issues, starting with the weighty question of how long you should wait to move on when someone you’re dating goes missing at sea. Then to your letters: I was ready to forgive my mom for how badly she handled my coming-out, but I just learned she also outed me to my whole family — what now? I set a goal to start a relationship in 2016, and it didn’t happen — what’s next? I’m worried that my son isn’t mine — should I take a paternity test? Finally: Mallory gives Andrea some radical dating advice. And a special note this week: we’ve got a letter concerning someone having suicidal thoughts. If that sounds like you or someone you know, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255, or you can chat with them or find resources at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/. Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A soon-to-be bride wants to buck a patriarchal wedding tradition. A wife wants her husband to buck up and tell his father he can’t come over every weekend. A man wants to leave a longterm relationship, but he’ll leave his partner without any bucks. Mallory is joined by Anna Sale, host of the WNYC podcast Death, Sex & Money, to tackle these problems. Plus, some genuine life advice from Mallory’s favorite satirical biopic. Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mallory and guest Samantha Powell come to you live from the Now Hear This festival in LA. And a warning: things get rowdy! An American man wonders if he can divorce his non-English-speaking wife … because he’s bored explaining things to her. Then, the reverse: a woman moved to her husband’s home country to care for his mom — now mom’s dead, and she’s stuck there. Plus, an elopement throws an already-dysfunctional family into disarray, writers complain of too little sex and too much money, the audience gets an earful of live advice, and more! Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mallory’s dad v. William Shatner. Then your questions: first, how do I relate to a dad who was absent and abusive while I was growing up, and now demands regular, personalized gifts? Then: I had an affair with my pastor, and just met the daughter I gave up for adoption. Now she wants to meet him, too — should I tell and ruin his life, or stay silent and hurt her? Finally, let’s get serious: how do I convince my wife that she should let me quit my job for three months to play poker? Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you see dirty pictures on someone else’s phone, that’s your problem. And a reminder: Dear Prudence is not a tax attorney, and neither is her guest, Toast co-founder Nicole Cliffe. Your questions today revolve around missing the mark. I’m always the one chasing down my sometime lover — am I being a stalker? My friend’s husband asked me to donate towards a surprise luxury car I know she doesn’t want — should I intervene? I had a fight with a longtime friend —and I don’t miss him. Do I have to try and mend things? Plus: Ditching one party for another hosted by someone you like better. Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A note on the election and the limits of civility. Then, religion, inheritance, sibling rivalry: Prudie and guest Noah Kulwin discuss binaries. If you’re not close with your nephew, should you give him your old car instead of gifting it to your goddaughter? Should your live-in boyfriend take your side against your crazy landlord— and help you bear the financial burden of her craziness? What do you do when you find out your best friend/fiancé said awful things about you on Twitter? Plus: non-monogamy, and beware of fake Dear Prudence. Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Queer women, Carly Rae Jepsen, and what’s up with people confessing crimes on Facebook? Prudence and guests Jaya Saxena and Matt Lubchansky take on your problems of timing, including: do you have to let your fiancé’s ill mother live with you indefinitely? What if you want to quit your job — which you only started two days ago? How long should you stay with a husband who disappeared from your life for years, and now won’t go away? Plus, Mallory advocates for the CGI lesbians of the Gilmore Girls. Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A listener offers her guide to figuring out if the white guy she’s dating has an Asian fetish. Then, Prudence and writer Brook Shelley get to your letters. First up, a mixed-race letter writer is dismayed to wake up to chain of racist texts — sent by her close friends. Then, the case of the Ambien Zombie Husband, a rent-based roommate Cold War, and an Eartha Kitt fantasy. Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Nancy Ortberg, AKA Mallory’s mom, joins us for questions today. How do you to talk to a stepdad who tries to boost your confidence by making borderline-creepy remarks about your appearance? What do you say to stop your parents from complaining to you about their marriage? Plus: Anti-vaxxers, handling disappointment, and how to keep the peace when you get the better office at work. Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Carvell and Mallory jump right back in. A letter-writer complains that her brother is a “man whore” — but first, we need to talk about who’s throwing glass at your family events. Then, should I tell my fiancé that I’m pretty sure I once slept with his best man? And finally: a knock-down, drag-out fight over whether a letter-writer should humor her father’s insistence that her boyfriend ask permission to marry her. Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Just say no to the “Don’t Tread On Me” snake. Mallory and returning listener favorite Carvell Wallace tackle and disagree over thorny questions like: should you intervene when your sister invites your mom to her wedding — but not your stepdad? When your adult sister is a cheater, how do you support her through her divorce? And finally, how do you break it to your white friend that she’s not as “woke” as she thinks she is? Plus: a love letter to bisexuals. We want you to tell us about the podcasts you enjoy, and how often you listen to them. So we created a survey that takes just a couple of minutes to complete. If you fill it out, you'll help Panoply to make great podcasts about the things you love. And things you didn’t even know you loved. To fill out the survey, just go to www.megaphone.fm/survey. Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: Slate.com/Prudiepod. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, your questions discussed in the cozy setting of Prudie’s literal bedroom. That might sound overly-intimate, but it’s not as intimate as going to a sweat lodge with your coworkers! Our guest is writer Lauren O’Neal, and together she and Prudie tackle how to set boundaries when your boyfriend’s family comes over every day without knocking, what to say to a mother who’s shunting her paid nanny duties off onto her teenage children, how to give your friend with cancer the support you never got, and whether to dump a boyfriend who refuses to call you by your name (uh… yep). Plus: tips for traveling through time on TV. We want you to tell us about the podcasts you enjoy, and how often you listen to them. So we created a survey that takes just a couple of minutes to complete. If you fill it out, you'll help Panoply to make great podcasts about the things you love. And things you didn’t even know you loved. To fill out the survey, just go to www.megaphone.fm/survey. Hear more Prudence by joining Slate Plus: