Wonderful!

We super didn't want to recap The Men Tell All, so instead, we are subjecting you to this: An hour-long discussion about all the mostly awful baby television we've watched this year. Enjoy?

We decided to go with this episode title because it's the literal only premise of the two-hour-long episode of primetime television we watched earlier this week. Also: The remaining suitors meet the family, and begin their journey to the Fantasy Suite.

Join us for a whistle-stop tour of America as we follow Rachel's journey to meet her four suitors' families! They went ... mostly ... okay, with one pretty exploitative exception. Recommended reading: http://jezebel.com/this-promo-is-all-you-need-to-know-about-how-bachelor-i-1797003991 https://www.vox.com/culture/2017/7/18/15990408/bachelor-in-paradise-season-4-sexual-assault-controversy

We're getting down to the end of Rachel's tenure as Bachelorette, and -- you guessed it -- we're right back in that pre-hometowns slump. Join us as we dive into all the hot dates from this week, and as we discuss the SHOCKING eliminations as we get down to the final four.

There was no new episode of The Bachelorette this week, but we wanted to record SOMETHING, and this is the result of that desire. We're basically just talking about our favorite stuff in the least Goopy way we can muster.

In this feature-length Rose Buddies, we break down the two episodes of Bachelorette that aired this week. I don't know if the Congressional Medal of Honor has ever been awarded for recapping four hours of garbage-time television, but hey, there's a first time for everything. Additional reading: http://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/the-vexing-racial-politics-of-this-seasons-bachelorette https://theringer.com/the-bachelorette-episode-6-recap-rachel-lindsay-170377b84594 http://www.thedailybeast.com/the-bachelor-franchise-is-exploiting-race-for-ratings https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/28/arts/television/bachelorette-rachel-lee-kenny.html https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2017/06/the-bachelorette-reveals-itself-for-what-it-is/532002/

Fair warning: This is a pretty tough episode to listen to, and it was a pretty tough episode to record. We're covering everything that went down during the suspension of Bachelor in Paradise, and also recapping a super problematic episode of The Bachelorette. There's a lot of rotten stuff happening right now that we're trying to sort out; we ask for some patience as we figure out what comes next. CW: Racism, Sexual Assault Additional Reading: http://www.refinery29.com/2017/06/160041/bachelorette-lee-garrett-provoking-kenny-angry-black-man http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/abc-racism-on-the-bachelorette-is-not-entertaining-its-gross_us_594896bce4b07499199e13b0 https://theringer.com/bachelorette-week-4-recap-a7bd701d239

This week's episode of The Bachelorette featured a lot of fun dates and a lot of super-not-fun horseshit back at the mansion. Not literal horse shit, mind you -- we all know this franchise is too afraid to actually deliver on THOSE goods.

This week's episode had it all: The blossoming of new love, an adorable dog attending a dog party, a marriage-themed obstacle course, and, of course, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. It just methodically checks off all the elements required for a good episode of television. Additional Reading: https://www.bustle.com/p/peter-rachel-praised-therapy-on-the-bachelorette-in-a-huge-move-for-destigmatizing-mental-health-issues-60969 http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/kareem-abdul-jabbar-my-journey-bachelorette-critic-guest-star-guest-column-1006560

The new season of Bachelorette has begun! In today's episode, we discuss Rachel's fateful meeting with 31 eligible bachelors, a few of whom are just absolute bridge trolls. The same cannot be said for A.J., who is the light of our lives, the sun in our sky and the light unto our path. Let's go! Additional Reading: http://www.marieclaire.com/culture/news/a27304/the-bachelorette-2017-premiere-recap/ http://www.npr.org/2017/05/23/529705257/the-bachelorette-may-have-a-black-star-but-its-still-set-in-a-white-world http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/why-it-matters-that-white-people-are-watching-a-black-bachelorette_us_59232998e4b03b485cb3d554

We did it. We beat it. We finished watching the final four episodes of Bachelor Pad Season Two in a single week, a feat that we wouldn't recommend trying to recreate at home. See you next week for the Bachelorette premiere!

We're halfway through watching this season of Bachelor Pad, and boy howdy, do we feel guilty about watching any of it. It was like we were really thirsty, dying in a desert of bad television, and now we're quenching ourselves on straight-up toilet water.

After talking about it constantly during the span of this podcast, we're FINALLY discussing Bachelor Pad, the short-lived offshoot of the franchise we know and ... tolerate. Specifically, the second season of Bachelor Pad, which pops off very hard in the premiere and never really stops.

The mid-2000s were a challenging time for all of us, particularly those who were enrolled in reality television programs like Dating in the Dark. This is a show in which strangers are trapped together in a cave, and then tasked with smooching their way out. Join us for another week of erudite discussion on this next-level skeleton-evacuating experience.

Holy shit, what a trash fire. We're sorry we made anyone watch this. Because, like, DAMN. Every minute of this thing was worst than the previous minute, and this bad boy started out with a pretty rough first minute, so. WOOF.

This week, we're hungrily tearing into the new Ellen DeGeneres/Drew Barrymore collabo First Dates, in which a bunch of folks go on First Dates with varying degrees of success. It's a breath of fresh air, y'all.

We're fresh off the MaxFunDrive, and ... well, okay, "fresh" maybe isn't the right word. We are shambling husks of our former selves, full stop. But that's not going to stop us from finishing up our recap of the very first season of The Bachelorette!

Happy week two of the MaxFunDrive! We hope you'll think about supporting our show if you've got the means! Either way, we're gonna recap the first season of The Bachelorette for you so, so right.

Happy MaxFunDrive, everybody! It's our first year on the network, and we're so excited to take part in this two-week celebration of ... well, us, I guess? And you! It's a love story, in a manner of speaking. Also, we're recapping the first eight episodes of Terrace House: Aloha State!

It's finale time! Well, yesterday was finale time, technically speaking. Right now it's recap time! Who did Nick choose to propose to in his season's final hours? I mean, you know, of course, but let's all pretend like it's a big surprise, okay?